the risks that i take are all worth is even if it's for a loss

The classic!

AMANDA NICOLE
eighteen
taurus
24 april baby
catholic
guitarist
aikidoka
msn-addict
prone to getting high
CRAZIED
tomboy-er
sms/chat lover
JOKER OF THE YEAR
st. anthony's preschool
chij bukit timah
art club
st. theresa's convent
RED CROSS
acjc(three months)
CANOEING/DBOAT
catholic jc
canningcollege
Shopping fan
curtin university
ROWING
swimming
working to earn a living

looking through the glass

playing on my guitar;D
searching for tabs online
music
OUTDOORS:D
water sports, CANOEING
mountaineering
camping outdoors
orientation camps!
SHOPPING!
ROWING
movieing with friends
being totally ME
smsing/chat
blogging;D
scouting for eyecandies.
Chocolates
running/crunches
reading for leisure
suntanning<3
SUN SAND SEA.

aspirations

conquer mount kinabalu
master drums one day
learn guitar tabs ( currently)
to be a rich woman!
grow taller!
learn how to do makeup
travel around the world backpacker style
get back home to singapore!
do well in up in uni exams
ROWING CHAMPIONSHIPS!
hiphop street dancing
the special coffee blend
do something crazy and wild
get my honours!
work hard in both my jobs
throw the old, get the new
be the next AUSTRALIAN IDOL

fingers crossed

crumpler bag
rowing championships medals
more eyecandies!
to dye my hair brown/red
my food hunt
workout dumbells
GET AN AWESOME TATTOO
another piercing to go with
new balance dryfit apparel
nike running dryfit tee
splurging on sunglasses
COME BACK HOME!
lesser projects/schoolwork
another jar of jellybeans!
retain my 46kg
running machine
doritos nachos
cadbury icrecream tubs
up my fitness level
to get my HOT abs
to able to carry a scull by myself
get tanner under the sun!

tagboard

friends

♥Aileen ♥BaoZhu ♥Charmaine ♥Caroyln K ♥Chris ♥Dorcas ♥Edlyn Ng ♥Honey ♥Jannah ♥Li Zhen ♥Kelly Ann ♥Kelly Low ♥KY ♥Michelle Ng ♥Randy ♥Sharon ♥SiJia ♥Tammy ♥Yi Jing

credits

designer Dancing Sheep
resources + +

Wednesday, April 18, 2007 9:11 PM

17th april 2007

Today I practiced taking the buses again. lucky thing I didn’t get lost but I did get mixed up with buses 74 and 72. Went to carousel shopping centre today to get more stuff again. I cant say how sick I am of that place because I went there like several times already. Mum hasn’t called yet. Came back at 4.30pm when the sun was setting. Today’s degree was 21, but I was cold to the bones already. I’m so not used to cold weather. Another day passed off just like that. Somehow, I feel like I’m just wasting my youth away. The day ends so early and the night starts way too early. Staying at home for more than three quarters a day is boring me out unlike in Singapore, we spend like three quarters of our day at school. I cant stand being so free. Where’s all the workload?

Last night’s call to remember:

Crying was the natural thing to do then. It just couldn’t take it in anymore. The voices I yearned to hear so much came through over the phone last night. I thought I could hold it in but I just couldn’t. three days since my arrival in Perth, and I didn’t shed a tear. I wanted to but they just wont come out so for these three days, I’ve been holding them in. I wanted to be brave and all. But braveness wasn’t something I had in control of because all my cramped up, hidden feelings of emptiness got the better judgement of me last night. Though it was only a short conversation with mum and dad, I started to tear at the very moment I heard my mum’s voice. . That voice, the childishness and youthfulness of mum in it, the warmth of her voice and everything from her love to her care. All of these were clearly heard over the phone other than the occasional interference of reception. Mum asked how I was doing there in Perth and what I did for that day. I couldn’t answer her at all because I was crying so hard. In between all the sobs, her questions kept flowing but I didn’t answer any of them. I was too caught up crying my heart out. Three days without tears and holding it all back in was the reason to why the tears never did stop. Mum couldn’t take it, for she too was going to start crying. She passed the phone to dad. Dad’s reassuring voice and calmness also added to the tears flowing down. I miss cuddling next to him after dinner in front of the television. Now, I don’t have anything to cuddle except myself for the next two and half months. (my head hurts a lot) the phone was passed on to my sisters later on. Haha;D the laughter of theirs still sounded the same over the phone. That laughter I have yearning to hear in my hearts so long even though a pathetic four days passed only. the consoling efforts of my sisters didn’t help much for I was in my own world. Just crying everything out. It’ll feel so much better after days of holding them back in. in a pitch dark room void of laughter from my own and noise, I held tightly unto the phone, wishing with all my might that if I close I eyes it’ll be opened to have my family members all gathered around me. I’ll be back in my old room that faces the poolside. The noise of the waters from the pool area and from our waterfall feature outside at the deck area would resound in my ears once again. The constant laughter of charmaine and mum’s shuffling of her feet as she passes the room to check up on Sharon. ( at this point, Sharon usually falls asleep on her bed) and mum always calls her up to finish packing for school. How I miss that. Things are so different here. The sound of my guitar cant even make up for the noise that I hear back home. Its just too quiet here. The quietness can kill. Just four days and I’m going crazy of the quietness. How do I survive two and a half months? I forgot how to laugh or smile already. (five tissues used up just writing this entry and I’m not done yet) I’m hoping school starts soon. So I can chuck my head into books and worrying about my studies would keep me busy enough so I wont have to think about home. I cant help but spend every moment of my free time missing you guys at home. At least crying helps to pass time. But I’m not hoping it becomes my hobby. I don’t have much tears to spare. Crying to the Lord at night helps to coax me into sleeping. He understands all and knows everything that I hide away from others.

I know I have to be thankful that I have relatives here in Perth. Yes, I am thankful but they aren’t the same as the ones back home. Though I have already spent four days with them, I still cant help feeling distance between us. No matter how comfortable they make me feel at home, I don’t think I’ll ever replace the home I have back there. I cant help but consider my every move or action that I do. Firstly, I guess the mentality that this still ain’t a home yet, its just merely a house for me to stay in, still cant go away yet. Secondly, maybe because I’m still new, that’s why I feel so small. Everyone keeps telling me what to do. Even the little ones do that also. I don’t blame them either. It’s the same treatment they give their parents too. Its really tiring to be always wary of your actions at every moment, because anyone might be watching you. Especially Jason, who spies on me every minute and reports whatever I did wrong to the elders. I don’t blame him. Kids do that all the time. But aunty Irene, that’s another case. We just cant click. I guess rushing everything to be completed before I start school seems to be part of her uptight nature these four days. She keeps rushing me to get stuff that I don’t really need. Like soap and shampoo, tissue box or packet tissues. If she were my mum, she’ll gladly give you all these without asking for anything back. That’s the difference in our mums. That’s what im missing most bout my mum (ahh, im breaking into tears again) Maybe when I start school and everything has settled down, I’ll try to understand her more. But for now, im keeping my distance. If I do this crying marathon everyday, I wont have much tears to last me anymore.

Anyway, like I promised skittles, here’s your song:

I can’t sleep, I just can’t breathe
When your shadow is all over me baby
Don’t wanna be a fool in your eyes
Cause what we had was built on lies
And when our love seems to fade away
Listen to me hear what I say
I don’t wanna feel
The way that I do
I just wanna be
Right here with you
I don’t wanna see
See us apart
I just wanna say it straight from my heart
I miss you

What would it take for you to see
To make you understand that I’ll always believe
You and I can make it through
And I still know I can’t get over you
And when our love seems to fade away
Listen to me hear what I say

I don’t wanna feel
The way that I do
I just wanna be
Right here with you
I don’t wanna see
See us apart
I just wanna say it straight from my heart
I miss you