the risks that i take are all worth is even if it's for a loss

The classic!

AMANDA NICOLE
eighteen
taurus
24 april baby
catholic
guitarist
aikidoka
msn-addict
prone to getting high
CRAZIED
tomboy-er
sms/chat lover
JOKER OF THE YEAR
st. anthony's preschool
chij bukit timah
art club
st. theresa's convent
RED CROSS
acjc(three months)
CANOEING/DBOAT
catholic jc
canningcollege
Shopping fan
curtin university
ROWING
swimming
working to earn a living

looking through the glass

playing on my guitar;D
searching for tabs online
music
OUTDOORS:D
water sports, CANOEING
mountaineering
camping outdoors
orientation camps!
SHOPPING!
ROWING
movieing with friends
being totally ME
smsing/chat
blogging;D
scouting for eyecandies.
Chocolates
running/crunches
reading for leisure
suntanning<3
SUN SAND SEA.

aspirations

conquer mount kinabalu
master drums one day
learn guitar tabs ( currently)
to be a rich woman!
grow taller!
learn how to do makeup
travel around the world backpacker style
get back home to singapore!
do well in up in uni exams
ROWING CHAMPIONSHIPS!
hiphop street dancing
the special coffee blend
do something crazy and wild
get my honours!
work hard in both my jobs
throw the old, get the new
be the next AUSTRALIAN IDOL

fingers crossed

crumpler bag
rowing championships medals
more eyecandies!
to dye my hair brown/red
my food hunt
workout dumbells
GET AN AWESOME TATTOO
another piercing to go with
new balance dryfit apparel
nike running dryfit tee
splurging on sunglasses
COME BACK HOME!
lesser projects/schoolwork
another jar of jellybeans!
retain my 46kg
running machine
doritos nachos
cadbury icrecream tubs
up my fitness level
to get my HOT abs
to able to carry a scull by myself
get tanner under the sun!

tagboard

friends

♥Aileen ♥BaoZhu ♥Charmaine ♥Caroyln K ♥Chris ♥Dorcas ♥Edlyn Ng ♥Honey ♥Jannah ♥Li Zhen ♥Kelly Ann ♥Kelly Low ♥KY ♥Michelle Ng ♥Randy ♥Sharon ♥SiJia ♥Tammy ♥Yi Jing

credits

designer Dancing Sheep
resources + +

Thursday, April 19, 2007 10:08 PM

19th april 2007

Day six.

I gripped the phone even more tightly as she said those last words over the phone. Tears rolled down from the corners of my eyes again as I used my 4th tissue to wipe away those tears. ‘I got to put the phone down soon; I have to cook dinner by now. So we’ll talk again tomorrow? Bye, my love. I love you.’ At this point of time, my tears rolled down even more uncontrollably. I waited for her to put down the phone because I didn’t want to waste any moment in hearing her voice even if it means her breathing. There was a long pause and a beep sound after she put down the phone. ‘no more. She placed the phone down already, i told myself repeatedly’ I didn’t want to believe that. I held unto the phone in my ear as I listened in to the long beep over the phone. After 3 minutes of endless chiding myself that mum was long gone, I put the phone down and sprawled on my bed beside my guitar that was laid beside me. As I though back on our conversation, tears came rolling down my eyes again and then I just lost it. I broke into a silent cry as I tried to hug myself to sleep to stop the tears from flowing. I stared up the low ceiling as the tears continued to roll down the sides and unto my pillow. I finally understood the term ‘heart wrenching moment’ because I had several of those moments before, it is in these moments that you just wish you could stop breathing and just lie on your back, staring at the same low ceiling and wishing that all this pain would just go away the next moment you open up your eyes. Sometimes I wonder, if I were to cry all my tears out at one time, would I still have enough to cry later on? If not, I’ll rather cry it all out at once. im tired of crying almost everyday and not having anyone to dry those tears of mine or to chide me to sleep. im not that strong I know. in between all sobs, I cried out to HIM for his help to help me overcome this battle alone. it wasn’t easy a task and ive already walked half my journey alone but im not sure I’ll be able to manage the rest of the remaining journey . im too weary and tired out. I have no more strength left to walk this journey alone. I just cant. Not anymore. I have given up. If it means spending all my Sunday at church in HIS presence, talking to him alone, that I don’t mind. At least it gets me away from my pain and loneliness of my room. After crying out for almost half an hour after mum put down her phone, I eased myself to close my eyes. And that’s when I felt someone touch my legs. It was a warm feeling, just like what mum would use to do to wake me up from sleep. I opened my eyes, hoping it was her but there was no one there. My wishful thinking or maybe it was something else.

Went out for dinner late after I took a long hot bathe in the toilet to wash all the marks of my tears on my face. Ate dinner without much of an appetite. These few days, I lost all my appetite, maybe im not used to eating so early for lunch and dinner. and the feeling of ingestion always gets me after a meal. I have been in too much pressure. But whats it to my stomach when my heart hurts even more? I cant be bothered.

Though I don’t wish to think of it that my parents had abandoned me here in perth all alone for this time being, but it just eats me inside when my uncle keeps talking to me about it. Last night, he came up to me and told me that was free to use anything from the internet to the television and the kitchen. He also said that he didn’t understand my mum’s decision in sending me here all alone. he wondered why she didn’t send my elder sister to accompany me on this trip even though school term for her starts only in july. I explained to him, that she didn’t want to arrive so early only to slack at home and she didn’t like the idea of working then. He also said that’s he didn’t feel the need for us to study in Australia when Singapore was good enough. I’ll like to think of it as mum’s helping us with our future. But sometimes I cant help thinking why now of all times, when I just started a whole new lease of life at jcs and all mixed schools at that;D haha kidding and when I just started doing well in sports, canoeing which earned me a place in the competition team and when I had new friends.

My head hurts now. My eyes all small and dry from all the tears let out just. As I type all these out unto a word document, I count the hours till I can use the internet again. to hear my friends online, to read my emails and to get away from my room. I need a break.