Tuesday, September 18, 2007   9:30 PM
18th september 2007Day a hundred and fifty eight.
happy birthday clement! i cant remember how old you are HAHA.im slow when it comes to memory. and before i forget it again, happy birthday senior! i know youre birthday has been long gone since 9 days ago, but i remembered just that you werent online that night for me to wish you.;D dont worry youre great junior will definately treat you when she gets back. i owe you one. i didnt like today. other than being tired from my stupid monthly 'thang' of which has yet to come, ive been overwhelmed so much by the upcoming tests the coming week. two accounts tests, one chemistry and one applicable maths. who knows? stuart and john might be even 'super nice' and throw in a couple of their subjects too. if thats the case, i doubt i'll survive or even barely scrap through the following week. i have enough of problems of my own and i dont need you to add fuel to it.
she's been on my back for hours and even days. somehow, it's been stretching on since the week before. ive kept silent about it though ive complained it to her once but i think it fell upon deaf ears. i know you have your own problems of school ( in trying to rush that economics assignment of yours) and maybe even other stuff but i dont get why im a victim of part of your problems.
you've been asking me to do too much stuff for you. i didnt mind too much since i was nearer to it then you but when it got too frequent, i felt like i was being just there for you to nag at me to make me do stuff for you. so what if you got the bed and you cant reach two steps, just two steps to turn on your switch for the battery charger or take the biscuits out of the drawer or reach your fingers slightly more to take your pencil box? i didnt mind doing all that before. but when you started to take it out on me for all your problems relating to school, i started to feel used by you in doing all those chores.
im know youre finding it stressful to cope with your studies in a whole new environment. i went through the same ordeal as you did 4 months ago. and what's worst off, i had to suffer in silence. i didnt have anyone to turn to for comfort, to complain on how bad my day has been at school, or lament about the number of upcoming tests i have or laugh with when i had funny jokes in school, you did. i didnt have anyone to ask questions on the topics i had not learn before in school, you did. i wanted to help you out but there's a limit to how much i have learnt in school.
i had a difficult first three months while i was here all alone. you didnt so much since i was there. you tried to ask me questions on your work. i tried to answer but it all ended up in futile effort. i tried, i really did but there's so much that i have learnt only in school. im doing year 12 only not univerisity. you complain over why i havent learnt certain stuffs and why they havent teached me yet in syllabus when i couldnt find an answer to your question. you thought i knew so much more then you because ive taken the subject while you were just starting. there's a limit to how much i know. i cant help you over everything.
you get moody these days and youre not the only one suffering in silence. i get it sometimes from you. you shout at me when you feel like it, when matters dont appear the way you wanted it to be. you sulk when your homework stacks up upon the table, i have my own bulk. you dislike the thought of having more assignments then me. youre taking university mind you. when you've already got two years of experience in junior college of the stress they throw at you in project work and indepent study, i had to start from scratch all alone here. if only you knew how to handle your time well, you wouldnt have to end up sulking and complaining on how much stress you have to go through.
i dont care a thing when the cousins call me a nerd because ive been at my table more often than you have been. i dont care if im being labelled a mugger for always being into my books. at least, i know im studying and doing well. at least, i know i'll be able to finish up my homework without having to complain to anyone else. you need to get your priorities right just as i had to learn the hard way.
you get moody and in turn your mood affects me a great deal. ive been silent about it. but sometimes, you just wanna scream back at you for pushing me so hard. ive got problems at school of my own, school work and my life as a whole. i know you have yours thats why i try to keep out of it so that you wont feel so watched. you get jealous at the amount of my work and my life because it's been going so well. seriously, you dont have to be. it took me some time to straighten out stuff. i came here earlier and got stucked to the tune of independence way before you learnt it. my life right now is how ive spent the last few months crafting it for the final major exams. it's time for you to get stucked to it also.
i cant help much. i cant comfort you. all i can do is to keep you smiling. i shalnt complain much. i know its hard for you. it was hard for me too. the complaints you have right now were almost similar to mine. im glad i had people to talk it out. thanks skittles for being there when i needed you. you have me too to talk it out with. i'll always be here for you to talk things out.
all the best to striving hard out of all your stress. it'll soon be over before you know it. so soon that even you would have forgotten that you ever walked this hard grainy path before. it'll be over soon, believe me.
if you just have faith in yourself, you'll accomplish much more than you can imagine than just sitting there lamenting on how your life sucks. pick yourself up today and get busy with making changes in your life. these changes might seem tough to make, it might even scare you at first beginning but think of it as a better change to your life. ive made changes in mine so should you in yours.
this aint home anymore. i know it's tough for you. it was for me but ive been through it all and im still learning so much more everyday. everyday's an obstacle but believe in HIM and HE'LL get you through all of them without you dashing your feet against the stone.
i have faith in you and i love you,
your sister.