Thursday, November 08, 2007 2:40 PM
8th november 2007Day two hundred and eight.
ive walked too many roads in these years of my life only to lose the will to walk this one. the road ive taken was a road i shouldnt have stepped on in the first place, a road so hard to trek on. my sandals have torn. the rough terrain have left me with deep cuts. the bruises ive had from the times ive fallen on this path has left me with scars so obvious that i cant conceal under the mask i wear.
i play the game of life and death with no one but myself. the dice is biased. there are more death call cards than lives. i cant change it even though im the maker of my game. i dont seem to be losing yet i barely escape my enemy alive to tell of my story. a cat has nine lives. i dont know how many i have left in this game. all i know is that i have had two of my lives taken away. they tell me not to think of it anymore yet i keep having the urge to play the game. soon enough, i might lose and the board with all its contents and dice would disappear along with my lost memory.
somehow all my close encounters with death has all been with buses. theres something wrong with my affiliation with buses or public transport. but dying from a bus crash accident isnt the best way to die i presume. i wouldnt want to trade my life for a news report on a bus accident and have my cross buried near the site i lost my life in that accident. i imagine myself dying in a more dignified manner. one that involves sleep. i rather let go of my last breath knowing that i have lived my life to the fullest and leave thsi world knowing its my time. that is, to die without regrets. i dont have much lives left to play this game of life and death anymore. the die might just betray me and roll on a faceup with death marked on it. i might not to as lucky to escape and cheat death then.
it just missed me by an inch as i stepped across to the other side of the road. the die almost rolled onto death but it landed on the edge of life. the guy who crossed the road with me was still shaking as he crossed over to the other side. the bus just missed him and he thought it did me in. i was behind him then. he got so worried till he saw me safe on the other side. someone prayed, that i might live for the next few moments, that i might escape this once. the sun shone when everywhere else the skies were concealed by grey clouds.
i wont have to play this game of life and death anymore. things would change when i get back. the year of 2008 would see a much better light for me. i wont have to trade my life for anything else. things that ive lost during this past year, i'll find them soon after searching for all so long, i'll soon find them. i wont have to bury my head in my arms and cry myself to sleep like i did when i gave up searching and finding because it was too hard then. the biased dice, ive throw it into the bin along with the game board and all. im changing my life for no one else but me.
