Friday, December 28, 2007 11:56 PM
happy 17th birthday elvin!i guess when you do read this post. it'll be over your birthday since you're spending it with me overnight in a chalet and wont have internet access there. HAHA. so even if this post is beforehand when i wrote it and belated when you do read it, i'll be there in person to celebrate with you when the clock strikes 12 on the 30th december.
baby, i love you! i thank god for your birthday. it'll be the first birthday i'll be celebrating with you but i'll make it a point to come back every year to spend it with you. well, okay almost every other year.
i'll make sure there's a birthday cake, a present from me and whole lot of fun things we can do on your birthday. even of if i cant make it back on that year, we'll webcam. i'll draw you a birthday cake using the draw tool, send you your present by post and spend a whole day online with you over webcam.
so to this year's birthday with you, happy birthday elvin. to all the wonderful things we have done together and your being here, born on this very day, im thankful not only for the person who spoils me with candy and all things nice but for loving me also.
i love you elvin!
11:39 AM
i saved my tears only for occasions like these.i cant remember the last i cried while i was here back home. i thought things were going to be for the better when i was back. the last i shed a single drop of tear was during the examinations that i had to study for in perth. matters ought to be better now that im back but it appears yet the same.
i spend the next few days of christmas at home grounded for something that foolishly happened. at that point of time when decisions were made, i forgot our promise. im sorry. i pay that price for going against that promise. i broke our trust and i deserved that punishment.
although it's almost a whole week of grounding that has to be postponed because of the new year's celebration, i still do not regret my decision in bringing my cousins to the movies. at least the extra bonding would help between the brothers, considering their strained relationship.
i hate to be caught in the crossfire. but yet, i have to involve myself into this mess. he needs me and those around whom he trust.a flower is nothing without its sunlight just like im nothing without my family, friends and boyfriend. he needs me just as i need him to be there to trust on me to help him seek help.
i made you a promise to be back home by four. i came back a little too late when you needed help with the serving of guests. i broke that promise of ours. i had too much fun with myself that i completely forgot about you and our promise. i place self over you.
i couldnt enjoy the movie just as much as the rest. i felt guilty having betrayed that trust of yours. i overheard your shouting over the background when dad spoke to me over the phone.you needed me around to help out yet i was here at the movies.
we rushed back home after the movie. sorry guys that i had to drag you along with me to face the music back home. sorry elvin, i caused you to have gastric from running with me. i tried to stay cheerful yet you could see that i was only fearing the worst back home. i wanted to break down when i received my mum's first sms. she was angry and pissed off [disappointed in my misplacing her trust] elvin held onto me.it was hard to juggle with my feelings.
i came back with the rest panting behind me. all my mum could say was 'i'll deal with you later'. it was stupid that i cried over those few words. i sat on the toilet seat crying my heart out while she took it out on my cousins. i wish it was only me she was dealing with. they were innocent. i'll prefer if you raised your voice at me.
stupid me. my second day of grounding and i still cried. staying at home is boring. there isn't anything to do. i have no life other than sleeping, eating and watching the box. i need to go out. i make myself run twice at the gym because of the boredom at home. i dont know how sharon does it but i cant stay put watching the box for hours.
my second day was much better. my dad took me out to westmall to have lunch and look at new models for phones. in the late afternoon, elvin came over for a swim with me and sharon. the day wasn't all that boring. im tired already after the swim. thank god, tonight i dont have to cry myself to sleep.
for the next week of facing the grounding, all the best amanda. hang in there. you dont have much tears to spare for the long nights and late mornings.
ps: the tissue box needs replacing;D
Sunday, December 23, 2007 1:28 PM
i know baby you love this song.. and so i'm dedicating it to you here
I open my eyes, I see your face
I cannot hide, I can’t erase
The way you make me feel inside
You complete me girl, that’s why
Something about you makes me feel
Baby, my heart wants to reveal
I’m down on my knees, I’m askin' you
Say these three words I wanna hear from you
Yes I will
Take your hand and walk with you
Yes I will
Say these three words that promise to
Yes I will
Give you everything you need
And someday start a family with you
Yes I will
Take your hand and walk with youYes I will
Baby, I promise you
Yes I will
Give you everything you need
And someday start a family with you
Oh yeah, yes I will
This is no ordinary love
And I can never have enough
Of all the things you’ve given to me
You’re my heart, my soul, my everything
Every night, I thank you Lord
For giving me the strength to love her
More and more each day
I promise her as long as I hear those three words
Yes I will
Take your hand and walk with you
Yes I will
Say these three words that promise to
Yes I will
Give you everything you need
And someday start a family with you
Yes I will
Take your hand and walk with youYes I will
Baby, I promise you
Yes I will
Give you everything you need
And someday start a family with you
Oh yeah, yes I will
I stand beside you in everything you do
Wherever you go, whatever you do
Baby, I’ll be there
As God is my witness, I will carry this through
‘Til death do us part, I promise to you..
I promise you that
Everthings gonna be alright
It's gonna be alrightI, I, I, I...I will....
this christmas, can be said to be the best i'd have. and its all because of you. this past 9 plus months, has been the best of my life. even though we spent 7 months apart, i've never regretted it at all. there's so much i wana say to you baby, but i'd let the song express my words to you..
i love you amanda
11:58 AM
everyone says christmas is for giving. i did and it landed me in great debts. this christmas has been the most expensive so far. i dont even remember having to borrow an extra 200 dollars from my mum to settle my debts. there's still so much i need to buy yet my budget and tightening my neck.
my pockets are empty/i run my fingers through them only to grab out nothing except a piece of used tissue.unless it could be counted as money if i coloured it green.for once, my wallet has been cleaned out by my reckless spending. all that's left in it are my cards ( and none of them has access to my bank account) and receipts to remind me of the stupid things i've spent on.
my sisters want things that i would consider as expensive but yet i only feel that way since i have never spent so much on one person. so this christmas, when i take it upon myself to indulge in spending on their gifts only to worry about the cost later, i find myself thinking on how sweet their reaction would be when they open up their presents.
there is'nt a christmas tree this year. the old one is still left lying on the shelf in the cupboard. there isnt much left in its life. it has been there since who knows when, we bought lights and decorations hoping christmas for it wouldnt be so boring. now this year, there isnt one anymore.
opening up presents would be awkward without a christmas tree to stuff the presents under. the wouldnt be a distinct place to gather around the tree to open up and take pictures with our presents. i hope the presents would help to draw the attention away from the missing tree in the background.
there's so much i want to do this christmas. if there are fireworks, i want to watch them with you. if there are carols by the streets of orchard, i wish to be there to listen with you. if there are dinner parties, i want you to be there with me. i want this christmas to be with you. i want every christmas to be with you. so what if you dont celebrate it? this christmas would be the first you're celebrating.
we have presents, church service, dinner parties and friends and family. we have christmas trees and lights and christmas carols and prayer sessions. we have turkey and log cakes and everything nice. we'll spend the night laughing and enjoying ourselves over wine. you have me and i have you and everyone else. would'nt that be sweet?
twelve days of christmas. we could celebrate christmas everyday on these twelve days. would me asking a present for every one of those days be too much? HAHA amanda, i wish. fine, all that i ask for this christmas is for you. well, dont think too highly on yourself. i amanda, make a lot of wishes also. yours is just one of them. HAHA.
i struck big time again. of all days, my period has to come a day early than christmas itself. the first time i ever got it was the last christmas present i ever wanted to open up but heck, it opened up by itself and the next thing i knew, i brought the present with me to the toilet. i wasnt happy about what i received. it was red unlike the green christmas tree that i have at home decorated with red lights. instead, it was a present everyone else was happy i got it. when mum knew about it, she jumped! and started telling everyone about it. when i was done unwrapping my present and got out of the toilet. i felt like a popstar, everyone else was holding their glasses of wine or cans of soft drinks to welcome the new present.
this year, was slightly different, i've had it loads of times so this time it wouldnt make me seem like a popstar. yet again, maybe i would since i have you. HAHA. oh i forgot, someone requested you to be there also. he misses you loads. you made his tail wagged the first time he saw you. he'll be jumping up along with others to welcome you. i promise you, you wont feel awkward. you have me all this while.
so to this christmas, everyone happy christmas this year!happy birthday christ the king and to all the nice little presents that are to come, the good food and the making merry. not forgetting that this christmas, i would be looking forward to spending it with you.
i love you elvin.
Thursday, December 06, 2007 12:58 PM
my trip to the singapore zoo and night safrari in years.
there's so much to say that i dont even know where to start off. but i'll let the pictures let their story.
the bus ride to the singapore zoo was so accessible from my place that all i had to do was to walk out to the bus interchange and catch it. but sheesh, i still had to wake up at seven missing out on my beauty sleep. i took a nap on the bus before we reached there.
i went out with elvin today. there's something about going out with guys. they help you carry everything and bring everything for you. eg. the water bottle, the umbrella and the tissue papers. HAHA. i didnt have to carry a bag since i had everything else with him but yeah i still did.
the ben and jerry's icecream was sooo good that i had to fall asleep after that. i was still halfway through the chocolate euphoria smoothie we had.
dont disturb me while i nap. shoo!
the african tribe's men. somehow, not bad he could actually be one of them. just that, i think back there they dont have such things as deuter bags. HAHA. 
AND HELL NO. i cannot pass off as one of them either. have you seen how their breasts sagged so low? gosh it must hurt. and here i am, wearing sports bras.
this is elvin when he gets angry. the snapping turtle and yes, they do bite tough. ouch!
i had to take my picture with something that was fatter than me so i wouldnt appear so fat. HAHA. see the difference, im thin!
i got a pat by ah meng. HAHA. but yeah that's a mere figure since a real picture with that orang utan would cost my pockets 5 dollars and i wouldnt even get to hug it. HAHA. but somehow, i rather prefer my stuffed toys.
okay, this picture was hard to be taken since little ms amanda didnt want to get her ass on top of some weird turtle. she claimed it made her look stupid.
i've always wondered those spies who wear shades. are they really sleeping behind them since elvin was or was he just merely acting cool?
50 for who spots the animal first. i lost a couple of times to him and it was a stupid loss for me since that animal was right in front of me and yet i didnt see it. aggh!
the taphir exhibit. pretty cool on the myth on how they got their different sides of black and white. half their bods were white and the other was black. babies were spotted black and white all over.
taphirs were initially all black with ivory and silky skin and wass rendered by the rest of the forest. they were proud and arrogant because they thought they were pretty. one day, the mice of the kingdom decided to teach them a lesson. they drunk the taphir and bound him tight, coloured the other half of him white and cut off his horns and teeth.
thus, taphirs are now shy and introverted mammals because they had no teeth and had to be vegetarians.
stupid elvin made me do this. i know, i look stupid once more.
the insects of the rainforest. elvin couldnt make his way in since he was too tall to fit into the tree hole. pretty neat since i was small for my height now being small and short aint so bad after all. HAHA.
after the singapore zoo, we still had time to kill before the night safari opened for the night at 730 so we decided to go back to my house first for a rest.
sharon had to help with dinner so we all chipped in leaving my lazy cousin on his couch again playing and watching maple or japanese animae.
we went for dinner at lot one before setting off again for the night safari.
we couldnt take any pictures there since no flash photography was allowed but yet many others still do it. sheesh. and i thought i was the only idiot there. HAHA.
the creatures of the night show was hilariously fun and i enjoyed myself quite a bit. after that, we went for the night hikes through two areas before sitting on the tram rides on two rounds before making that the end of our night.
i got home late and nearly got myself busted. my curfew? get my ass home before 12 midnight if not my mum will lock me out. HAHA.
my legs ache from all the running about but i enjoyed myself today.
12:09 PM
6 december 2007Day two hundred and thirty six.
it's scary to know that im left with less than a month to spend with friends and family here before i go back to perth for studies. just less than a month to make up for the 7 months ive spent there myself with my elder sister. i wont get to celebrate chinese new year, valentines day, my dad's birthday and other events. what i get to celebrate? christmas and new year's day and maybe my mum's birthday with just me and my little sister.
time is something i dont have the power or will to change it. i play with time only to get hurt by it. there's not much time left yet i delude myself to think there is and when i have to face the consequences of my stupid actions, i run away and hide. i want so much more yet i dont have the time to play by it. the year passes fast because i want it to. i make it happen.when the year starts to close it's chapter, i try to hold back. my mind deludes myself into thinking everything will wait for me. opportunities slip past me because i wasn't fast enough to grab hold of them. i've wasted my chances to aim for things that i want.
i tell myself i want to hold on to things even if time doesnt allow. i dont have to luxury of time to play by my fingers. but when it takes a nasty turn on you and i find myself once again counting down the days till we meet again, i cant do it. action speaks louder than words. i want to hold on yet i cant. my will power doesnt allow for it. im weak.i've already went through 7 months waiting for my return to see you again and soon enough these months i have left here with you is running out fast.
you tell me we havent had much time left. you say there's lesser and lesser time left for the both of us. do you how it feels like loving you against time? i cant play time on these hands of mine. i just cant. i cant make it seem as though everyday would be with you. i've tried and yet i find it's unfair to the rest of my friends. i need time with them too. you're not the only one i need in my life. what happened to others?
if i had to spend time with you for every moment that i had and if time didnt allow that time, it'll be like couting down the number of jelly beans i have in that 900g jar that i have. by the time im back in perth, i've already spend the days equivalent to a quarter of that jar. it's running out soon.
even if i spend the next few days praying for more time. it wont come that easy. even if i had that extra time, please let me have it for myself and my family. i need them also. my body cant take the amount of stress i've put myself to by going out every other day. my parents worry for me. you dont. instead, you insist that time spent with you is so little and ain't sufficient enough for us.
i need to run away and hide. i cant face time.
i went out with elvin today. there's something about going out with guys. they help you carry everything and bring everything for you. eg. the water bottle, the umbrella and the tissue papers. HAHA. i didnt have to carry a bag since i had everything else with him but yeah i still did.
the ben and jerry's icecream was sooo good that i had to fall asleep after that. i was still halfway through the chocolate euphoria smoothie we had.
dont disturb me while i nap. shoo!
this is elvin when he gets angry. the snapping turtle and yes, they do bite tough. ouch!
i had to take my picture with something that was fatter than me so i wouldnt appear so fat. HAHA. see the difference, im thin!
i got a pat by ah meng. HAHA. but yeah that's a mere figure since a real picture with that orang utan would cost my pockets 5 dollars and i wouldnt even get to hug it. HAHA. but somehow, i rather prefer my stuffed toys. 
okay, this picture was hard to be taken since little ms amanda didnt want to get her ass on top of some weird turtle. she claimed it made her look stupid.
i've always wondered those spies who wear shades. are they really sleeping behind them since elvin was or was he just merely acting cool?
stupid elvin made me do this. i know, i look stupid once more.
the insects of the rainforest. elvin couldnt make his way in since he was too tall to fit into the tree hole. pretty neat since i was small for my height now being small and short aint so bad after all. HAHA.
