Thursday, December 06, 2007 12:09 PM
6 december 2007Day two hundred and thirty six.
it's scary to know that im left with less than a month to spend with friends and family here before i go back to perth for studies. just less than a month to make up for the 7 months ive spent there myself with my elder sister. i wont get to celebrate chinese new year, valentines day, my dad's birthday and other events. what i get to celebrate? christmas and new year's day and maybe my mum's birthday with just me and my little sister.
time is something i dont have the power or will to change it. i play with time only to get hurt by it. there's not much time left yet i delude myself to think there is and when i have to face the consequences of my stupid actions, i run away and hide. i want so much more yet i dont have the time to play by it. the year passes fast because i want it to. i make it happen.when the year starts to close it's chapter, i try to hold back. my mind deludes myself into thinking everything will wait for me. opportunities slip past me because i wasn't fast enough to grab hold of them. i've wasted my chances to aim for things that i want.
i tell myself i want to hold on to things even if time doesnt allow. i dont have to luxury of time to play by my fingers. but when it takes a nasty turn on you and i find myself once again counting down the days till we meet again, i cant do it. action speaks louder than words. i want to hold on yet i cant. my will power doesnt allow for it. im weak.i've already went through 7 months waiting for my return to see you again and soon enough these months i have left here with you is running out fast.
you tell me we havent had much time left. you say there's lesser and lesser time left for the both of us. do you how it feels like loving you against time? i cant play time on these hands of mine. i just cant. i cant make it seem as though everyday would be with you. i've tried and yet i find it's unfair to the rest of my friends. i need time with them too. you're not the only one i need in my life. what happened to others?
if i had to spend time with you for every moment that i had and if time didnt allow that time, it'll be like couting down the number of jelly beans i have in that 900g jar that i have. by the time im back in perth, i've already spend the days equivalent to a quarter of that jar. it's running out soon.
even if i spend the next few days praying for more time. it wont come that easy. even if i had that extra time, please let me have it for myself and my family. i need them also. my body cant take the amount of stress i've put myself to by going out every other day. my parents worry for me. you dont. instead, you insist that time spent with you is so little and ain't sufficient enough for us.
i need to run away and hide. i cant face time.
