Friday, December 28, 2007 11:39 AM
i saved my tears only for occasions like these.i cant remember the last i cried while i was here back home. i thought things were going to be for the better when i was back. the last i shed a single drop of tear was during the examinations that i had to study for in perth. matters ought to be better now that im back but it appears yet the same.
i spend the next few days of christmas at home grounded for something that foolishly happened. at that point of time when decisions were made, i forgot our promise. im sorry. i pay that price for going against that promise. i broke our trust and i deserved that punishment.
although it's almost a whole week of grounding that has to be postponed because of the new year's celebration, i still do not regret my decision in bringing my cousins to the movies. at least the extra bonding would help between the brothers, considering their strained relationship.
i hate to be caught in the crossfire. but yet, i have to involve myself into this mess. he needs me and those around whom he trust.a flower is nothing without its sunlight just like im nothing without my family, friends and boyfriend. he needs me just as i need him to be there to trust on me to help him seek help.
i made you a promise to be back home by four. i came back a little too late when you needed help with the serving of guests. i broke that promise of ours. i had too much fun with myself that i completely forgot about you and our promise. i place self over you.
i couldnt enjoy the movie just as much as the rest. i felt guilty having betrayed that trust of yours. i overheard your shouting over the background when dad spoke to me over the phone.you needed me around to help out yet i was here at the movies.
we rushed back home after the movie. sorry guys that i had to drag you along with me to face the music back home. sorry elvin, i caused you to have gastric from running with me. i tried to stay cheerful yet you could see that i was only fearing the worst back home. i wanted to break down when i received my mum's first sms. she was angry and pissed off [disappointed in my misplacing her trust] elvin held onto me.it was hard to juggle with my feelings.
i came back with the rest panting behind me. all my mum could say was 'i'll deal with you later'. it was stupid that i cried over those few words. i sat on the toilet seat crying my heart out while she took it out on my cousins. i wish it was only me she was dealing with. they were innocent. i'll prefer if you raised your voice at me.
stupid me. my second day of grounding and i still cried. staying at home is boring. there isn't anything to do. i have no life other than sleeping, eating and watching the box. i need to go out. i make myself run twice at the gym because of the boredom at home. i dont know how sharon does it but i cant stay put watching the box for hours.
my second day was much better. my dad took me out to westmall to have lunch and look at new models for phones. in the late afternoon, elvin came over for a swim with me and sharon. the day wasn't all that boring. im tired already after the swim. thank god, tonight i dont have to cry myself to sleep.
for the next week of facing the grounding, all the best amanda. hang in there. you dont have much tears to spare for the long nights and late mornings.
ps: the tissue box needs replacing;D
