Wednesday, February 13, 2008 4:45 PM
Day twenty four.i guess the emotions im feeling these few days are part of turning 18 this year. i didnt have such strong emotions against my mum till now. she says i have a bad mood all of a sudden and leaves me alone for the rest of the hour till i cool it down. dad came into the room to talk to me. he found it peculiar i had turned a deaf ear to every one of my mum's requests. he didnt think i would get myself into a huff unless i had my period, and that was the same subject i got edgy on.
she had to embrass me in front of my other cousin would just had her first period. so what if she didnt had any of the mood swings i use to have? so what if she doesnt complain much on having it?so what if her period was much more relieving than mine? god, mum. if you like her so much. take her as your own. you didnt have to tell the whole world about my period cramps every once in two months when i get it.
so what if my other sisters dont have such a bad period cramp as me when their time comes? you dont expect me to have the same womb as them. so what if mine hurts more and so what if my cramps are far worse then theirs? spare a thought for me mum, do you think i want it that way also? i didnt ask for the cramps to come, neither did i ask for the change in mood swings.
you sound as though you're much more relieved if i didnt have my periods at all. you cant judge my period moods just like that. my sister's have theirs at a different scenario. charmaine hadnt had hers for a long time. when it comes, it's only like once in 3 months or longer? and sharon, she hadnt had that many times a period as compared to me.
maybe this whole period thing is too much for you to handle when i do have it. my period moods, the troublesome of changing or even the grumbling to you. maybe i should have my periods just the same way as charmaine. or maybe, i shouldnt be blessed with a womb in the first place. maybe i shouldnt have to give birth at all and save myself the hassle. and maybe, i'll be able to save up on all the mood swings, the money for pads or even the number of times i visit the toilet. and just maybe, you'll be happier for once that i didnt complain.
i just dont why you have to constantly degrad me and sharon. im sorry but im the kind who take things too hard. the hardest i have to swallow are the things that my love ones have to say about me. sure you say it, but you dont mean it much and you have no idea how much im dealing with your critics about me. im weak and when i hear you say those things, it cuts deep mum. i cry myself to sleep, wondering why you said that. i try to change myself for you but yet you dont any notice. maybe, i should just distance myself from you. then, i wont have to hear you anymore and you wont have to waste your breath degrading me.
about period mood swings and cramps, i'll be running everyday to train up so you wont have to hear me complain about my cramps. i dont care if my knee hurts. im running and i wont stop, not for you and not for anyone else.
sorry mum, this is the most i can do to solve your judgement about me. i've tried my best.
