Friday, March 28, 2008 7:12 PM
i know i havent been blogging for quite some time. im really sorry. university is really turning me into a zombie. every monday its lectures throughout, thursdays and fridays are tutorials and lectures. so what abou tuesday and wednesday? i've been doing my assignments, notes for lectures and tutorial. what about weekends? saturdays are the days im outside searching for a job, with friends or with mum searching for furniture and church. sundays are trainings and rushing my last minute assignments.
i dont even remember having a life since i was 17. you made me slave my life away to books and school when everyone else had friends to accompany them throughout. is it all too much to ask if i delay my studies for a year or so? why cant i study with individuals my age? why cant anyone understand that for this purpose of studying earlier and getting a job before anyone else is all but just a con. a con to get the whole family here and you made me bait first.
no mum. it doesnt work this way. you tell me i ought to forget things of the past. i try to but i cant. you tell me that if i study abroad i'll be ahead of others, but when you tell others why i went to australia earlier, it was just so you could have me scout the area for you. isn't it ironic how you make a picture so pretty by creating my future only to destroy it in telling others i was just a scout for you.
i detest the way you crush my dreams with this whole migration thing. you tell us its for a better future and yet you never ask us how we felt about migrating.dont drag my dad into this. he didnt ask for his children to migrate over, neither did his mum. the idea of having you reunited with everyone else here in perth is making me sick. so youre happy yourself while you make everyone with you detest you?
do you think its really worth it to have everyone hate you for your own selfish thinking? i never questioned you when i was younger and i dont remember having anything against you then. i dont get how one year in perth on my own has made me this way. neither do i understand how it has changed me so much. im really sorry mum. im not the daughter you raised up to be. i dont understand myself and how i've changed for the worse even in a family that others would dream for. those in broken families would dream for my kind of family and yet all i want to do now is to run away from you.
dont ask why. it's just that i feel so pressurized being someone you want me as and not who i am. i fee like you want me as somebody and yet i cant give you that. you ask me not to be so sensitive on things and yet my personality doesnt allow for that. im sorry mum. i just cant be the daughter you see me as.
i hate my life. i hate this place im living in now.
