Saturday, June 28, 2008 10:32 PM
thank you subway!finally, a job where there is no politics, great friends and a very generous boss. it's been a hell of a ride back in donut king, ann's being such a ms. bossy- she's getting on almost everyone's nerves other than the other boss, often taking breaks when its busy out there and making us do the whole load of work.
wendy, the co-owner of carousel subway offered me a job there after hearing about my limited shifts at donut king. she even joked that their subway uniform would be a whole lot better on my skin tone rather than the pink. the next day, i submitted in my resume. within a few days, i got a call from her, and she was happy to meet up with me to settle the shifts i would be doing.
i started work today. everyone was really nice and patient with me. i wasnt the only trainee there- there were others so it wasnt so intimidating in terms of expectations. being my very first day in a totally new environment- from making coffees and hot dogs to making sandwiches and wraps, everyone asked me how my experience was so far, everyone including wendy.
so far, the experience was great. i had really nice customers and great friends to work with. other than just a black sheep in the crowd- from which i had a scolding from just because i placed chillis all over this sub when he only wanted one on each end. wth! he scolded that i was deaf and dumb as i had asked him three times on what salads he wanted. two for getting right on what chillis he wanted- my god. only two and one on each side.
i love the cosy feeling of the environment and the generosity of our boss. for lunch break and before we end our shifts, we get to choose on whether we want to make ourselves a six or foot long sub, wrap or salad to take home or for lunch. i dont care if the pay isnt as good as donut king, but the whole experience was so much better than in the latter, even the number of shifts would be more.
yesterday was my lucky day, other than the trip i had on the slippery floor, a customer gave me a tip- this time it was 5.75 dollars worth in coins. even mark was jealous and he said it had something to do with my charm that was dangerous.
we had circuits this morning for training as the weather wasnt too good for a row in the morning. we didnt have enough crew members to row in a quad so it was settled for doubles but then again, rowing in doubles would be unsteady in the rocky waves. i got dizzy after the second round of circuits and we had to take a 5 min break for me to recover.
stupid period.
but thank goodness you came a week earlier,
i wouldnt risk it with my race next sat.
i need my strength for it.
Thursday, June 26, 2008 10:17 PM
break time!in playschool or kindagarden, as you call it, break times were often spent on finishing up our last spoonful of cereal or soup, and running off to the playground for a game of hide and seek or monkey bars.
when we got on to primary school, hop-stotch was everything to the girls. some of us would skip meals just because others were doing the same, while others had prefect duty to undertake and so only had 10 mins for lunch which wasnt enough. meals went from $4 for a bowl of noodles to 10 cents a seaweed packet.
secondary school was a whole lot different. girls skipped their lunch breaks just to have a game of ball by the field, some would set aside meal time to hear the latest gossip, help teachers run errands for extra work credit or to rush assignments and others were just unlucky and had to stay in class to finish up on overdued work.
university life and study breaks are awesome. from a 30 minute break starting in preschool, it went only with primary school before it extended to a 45 minute break in high school. in university, everything is run differently, breaks are how you wish it to be, skip your lectures or tutorials and all you'll be facing would be a slip of paper stating your out.
at work, i spend my lunch breaks differently. to each his own, we have our own breaks at the times assigned to us. usually its 15 for lunch and the rest of the time for shopping if i have enough to. i was so tired today, that i used the remaining 15 for nap. i slept for the first 15 before i got called up.
'amanda!
'
'amanda! what do you think youre doing?' ann asked.
'clearly, cant you see, im sleeping ann?'
'so this is how you spend your break?'
'yeah, just really tired so another 15 would do be some good'
'alright then'
just when i was about to go into my next ten minutes,
'amanda! hey, did you remember to set your alarm, because if you oversleep, it's your pay that i would be deducting from. '
'dont worry ann, i've got it covered'
'alright, because if you do, you know what happens'
'yeah, i know. good night then.'
'sheesh'
i sleep right throughout till my 15 minutes were over. it was good and apparently, while i was asleep, everyone else in the shop, got a glance at me sleeping so soundly on the table top. boy, was it embarrassing. but the sleep was good- and there might be a second from where it came.
im looking forward to tommorrow's break.
9:34 PM
what a crazy heck of a day; Dwaking up for work was absolutely horrible. i couldnt even lift up my head from my pillow and the cold winter mornings just makes me want to snuggle back under the covers. mum had to call me up three times before i could crawl out of bed.
work starts early at 8.30 am finishing at4pm on this busy thursday morning. with only the two of us in the store- and people getting up early for work and their coffees, there was a never-ending line right at the counter. everyone else was at the other store, and poor amy couldnt keep up with the orders and i had to do, 1 and a half of a person's work.
i am so glad that i didnt had any difficult customers to serve that morning. even my patience was wearing thin as i did one order after another, and yet not one single strand of hair on their head stood. they werent angry or upset about waiting but the guilt and consience was feeding in, and i was about to break down- not having been able to keep up till the rest came back.
when the peak hour had passed and the number of customers died down, did i have a break from work- that just means that i managed to get a drink for my hoarse throat. we did a little bitching around since we hadnt caught up on gossip with each other and sthe weirdest thing was, i got to hear both sides of the story from each respective party. when it wasnt safe to bitch anymore with others around, we got on to real business; man-hunting.
there was this really cute guy walking past with a trolley - im thinking around 15-16 years old. but he was awfully hot with his jumper on and we were both crushing so badly, i think we kinda said it loud enough for him to overhear our stupid antics 'omg, i think he's so cute!', that he turned around just as we ducked behind the counter. phew, close.
a second time i did that was when a group of hot taiwanese guys walked past and it was mutual. we both looked, but i ducked right after realising i was watched. omg, it was so embarrassing. when i stood back up, that guy was still checking out and i ducked, this time behind a friend.
they mopped the floors today. i slipped a couple of times when i ran and split in between, ooh it hurts so badly- i know i dont have the extra middle organ stucked in between, but i think i kinda know how being slammed in the balls feels. i slipped a third and fell on my bottom, and the impact was so loud that it caused a commotion with everyone outside of the shop, thank goodness, mark was there to pick me up if not i wouldnt know how i would.
this weekend wouldnt be so boring since we just borrowed like 6 dvd's to watch over the weekend, other than the work shifts and trainings i have scheduled for this weekend. one show for every single day and a rest for sunday, to comemorate sabbath day. work would be busy for the next few weeks or so, as i've just been accepted at subway, so there comes the extra cash flow i've been talking about to fund my crazy shopping sprees.
i got really mood-off just then before dinner, not so much that i lost my appetite, i was starving so i had to ate and decided not to say a word or so, because i know im good at starting out arguments and i really dont need one then. mum made fun of me, she teased the way i used the word 'like' so often in every few of my sentences. 'like that', 'and like', 'so like'. i brushed it away, half heartedly joking that she wouldnt want me to use 'then hor', 'after hor', 'so hor'.
but i was hurt, and i didnt have anyone to tell. so i gulped my pride in, took my dinner and walked away, defeated. i guess i didnt have anything else to tell mum of my day today and maybe not of tommorrow. if there was anyone who would loved to hear my stories and not make fun of me, it would be my blog- you never talk, and that's why i love you.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008 10:03 PM
dear elvin,this would most probably be the second last letter i'll be writing to you. the reason i've decided to post this one on my blog is because, if you rather i break the news to your parents, then let my post explain it. the other reason im doing so, is to testify to all those out there, that a long distance r/s is hard to mantain.
it's about time we took this break. ever since that day on friday, when you spoke of it, i havent really gotten myself around to accepting the matter. i thought a week would do you fine- when your mind is off the exams, so i waited for you that one week. i waited till yesterday.
every alternate day we would have online conversations, most of them leading to a big argument, even if it was insignificant to our broken r/s. every morning after that disturbing night would i cry to myself on why things had to take a turn and why we couldnt just let us go.
i cried today on the bus ride home. i cried because i have never felt so hopeless for once, in not being able to save this r/s. i know the fact that im overseas makes it hard for you to talk things out with me, but imagine, what if i was home- i doubt matters would get any better than it is.
elvin, your stubborness is in conflict with mine and i have lost my patience in trying to talk you out of things. i dont want to make the same mistake in believing that in waiting for you, this r/s would become of any better, because we both know that i'll be in for another breakup soon after.
if it is this you want, my happiness at stake, then we'll make things clear once and for all- this is why all conversations between you and i have to stop. it'll help the both of us get over this hurdle. one thing that i can never get is why youre still pulling me back- these conversations that remind the both of us about the past, the happiness that we both lost that faithful day.
elvin, please i beg you. let me go. i cant do this alone. all im asking from you is one more favour, please...help me let you go. help me stop these conversations and smses that just serves to stir up bitter feelings and painful lost memories. help me give you up and face a new phrase of life, one without you in it.
since the breakup, not once have i broken down so badly, feeling like the heavens had abandoned me, so shouldnt you. you should not grieve over what was lost but look forward to what comes forth in life. forget me elvin, forget what we had- all that we had were the memories that should be erased and forgotton. forget us.
i'll be strong for my family and friends. i'll be strong for my sisters and parents, so should you. take a day or two, recover and stand up on your two feet. i know you can do it and i have faith in you. i have the faith that you wont need to worry your parents because your old enough to handle your own matters. i have the faith, that you'll carry on in life.
do this for me. for us, carry on in life without me. without us. just like you were from the start before we met, so would you be now that you have. go on and take the path set forth- like everyone else, you have a bright future ahead of you and you'll achieve great things to come.
good luck my friend,
love,
amanda.
3:46 PM
>>BETTER IN TIME
<<It’s been the longest winter without you
I didn’t know where to turn to
See somehow I can’t forget you
After all that we’ve been through
Going coming thought I heard a knock
Who’s there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realise that I really didn’t know
If you didn’t notice you mean everything
Quickly I’m learning to love again
Im gon’ be OK
Chorus
Thought I couldn’t live without you
It’s gonna hurt when it heals too
It’ll all get better in time
And even though I really I deserve to
It’ll all get better in time
I couldn’t turn on the TV
Without something there to remind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings
If I’m dreaming don’t wanna laugh
Hurt my feelings but that’s the path I believe in
And I know that time will heal it
If you didn’t notice boy you meant everything
Quickly I’m learning to love again
Im gon’ be OK
Chorus
Since there’s no more you and me
It’s time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I’ll be fine without you Yes I will
Tuesday, June 24, 2008 10:44 PM
The faithful day of Saturday, 21st June : Women's Doubles, D Division race.
the picture, as promised. this was taken right after we got fished out from the waters by our coach in a speedboat. as you can see, we were dripping wet, even our insides were soaked.
dont ask, i know the attire outwears my entire shape, making me look like some small gymnastist.
with the next race on the 5th of july,
i'll say: BRING IT ON GIRLS.
Monday, June 23, 2008 11:11 PM
Saturday's Race No. 50 : Women's Division D, Doubles.the weather was fine and there was great sun at champion lakes that day. everything went just well for the race, everything but the wind. every rower fears the winds, the very main factor of mother nature's gust that we cant control. the high tides and strong currents caused by the bust of winds are good enough to call off a race due to bad weather, other than lightning.
our race started at 2.47pm but we decided to go there a lil earlier to check out the first few races before ours, survey the course route that we were to take, warm up and row the boat to the starting line. that day, the winds were'nt on our side, there were white-capped waves (wind-surfing waves) that capsized many boats in the earlier few races.
we took the
prion as our racing boat that day, because of its light weight and slim outline- however, the lightness of the boat is compromised by its unsteadiness in the waters and it usually calls for great balance between the partners. the winds should have been on our side since
prion usually tilts slightly to the left because of its shape.
the race started on time. we had to row the boats from the shore end to the starting line and align ourselves with each boat lane. we had lane no. 5, the second furthest from the shore. soon after the shotgun was sounded, we started out with our racing starts- it helps to get the boat moving from a standstill point, which helped us gain an edge over everyone else.
we had a racing plan drawn up for the race. 20 hard strokes and long strides before reaching the half point, with another 20 hard and long strokes till another 4m till the finishing line, where we would do sprints to the end of the line. i guess, during the race, i was so mentally tired that i didnt care what strokes i did at all and just did sprints all the way.
it was so close. just another 3 metres, another 10 more hard strokes and we could have gotten third placing in the Women's Division D Doubles race. if only we hadnt we didnt make a small technical mistake and if only the winds werent against us. we capsized.
yeah, we sucummbed to the mental and physical tiredness and the worn-out state of our muscles. we both looked at the same time to the back. thats at least 2 of our half body weights on one side of the boat. the boat tipped one side and for that one split second, i knew we could have balanced back if not for the winds that were in our direction, thus tipping the whole boat over with little effort.
i know this sounds weird, but we both starting laughing after our coach came with another on the speedboat to rescue. she thought we were just crazy since we were disqualified from the race and yet after all the hard effort and sweat we put into the preparation of the race and itself, we still laughed. we were so tired and exhausted from the race that we didnt even have the energy to swim back to shore and had to be pulled up by my coach into the boat.
the empire took the boat back to the shore and for our very first race, no we didnt come in first, second or third, we didnt even win the race, not to mention we got disqualified and yet we made a name for ourselves when we returned back to shore dripping wet. we were the first team to have capsized in a double boat on their very first race, and 3m from the finishing line.
everyone was shocked by our performance out there in the waters. coach jo was so proud of us that she kept praising us for the amazing racing out there in the white-capping waves. before the race, she told us, winning isnt about everything and for this very first race, winning would be hard for us, but all she ever wanted was for us to row professionally, row with effort and row with perfection, and we did in that race.
everyone else was taken aback by how much more we had till to finished the race. yet, they too were proud of us. Women's Division D: the way the rowing assiociation sorts out your division is by the years of experience you have. there wasnt any Division E racing for Doubles in this race, so my partner and i thought we'll take our chances, try for a D which equates to a year or two of rowing and we hadnt even had that amount of time- just four months was all we got,
a third placing if we hadnt fallen in, hell yeah. we rock! and the best part was that we werent very far behind the first and the second placing just a boat's length behind and half of a boat length in front of the fourth place.
we were immediately famous right after we got on shore- today's performance would mean coach would demand more from our effort in the next quad race that we do on the 5th of july. michelle and johan came to support me, thanks guys, the encouragement and the support really helped me with my confidence for this race.
just when i thought i could run away from all the boat stacking back to the boat shed, we had to row the 5km from champion lakes to salter's point back to boat shed. oh gosh, 1km of hard rowing and now, long distance rowing. we took ages to get back because of the hungry waves made by the 2 jetskis in the area. we spent like 30 just trying to get out of the area without being capsized again from the waves.
i ate like the whole half of the packet of dorritos nachos that i bought and a full serving of rice at dinner. i yawned quite a bit at church- i really didnt have the energy to stay awake for much and dropped into bed by about 945pm.
the race was unexpected but the outcome was favourable.
we loved the support from everyone who came down to support us,
and best of all, we didnt let you down.
we'll aim at greater heights and achieve only the best
go TEAM CURTIN.
Friday, June 20, 2008 10:04 PM
spending 800 dollars a week is really a huge feat.no kidding, i really did spend over 800 dollars within one week. there are the meals that i have to pay for, the handphone repair bills that i currently paid due to a faulty phone and even for the whole cost of the treadmill.
i guess its kinda normal knowing that most 18 year old kids move out with friends and have to pay for their own accomodation. im not complaining much but the full cost of the treadmill, dont you think that's a little overboard? im just 18 mum, i cant handle the cash debts.
accounting didnt help much. i cant even keep track of my own spending, only the meals are the same price. i cant even afford a lunch that is over 5 dollars and i guess now that i have huge debts to pay up, i might most probably have to give up on weekly shopping treats for myself.
dk isnt giving me enough hours than i can work. in other words, im not max-ing out my capacity. if that's the case, i might most probably find myself another job to keep the money flow. if i cant control it, i can beat it with more money. ha ha.
there is nothing money cant do i suppose.
9:30 PM
i fear the outcomes of tommorrow's race.i feel the guilt eating up my conscience. in front of everyone else, i have lied. i promised my whole self that i would do well in this race. i promised my coach and my partner that i'll get that first place and now, im losing my mind lying to everyone.
thursday's training was tiring. coach jo, took us out into the waters on a speed boat with johan. halfway through training, i was panting and weezing like an old woman on a treadmill. no wait, i bet my grandmere could run better than me on it. my stamina is really on the low end and its not working out for me and this race.
1200 rows, i dont know if i can even make it. i dont know if i could even win the pride of everyone after the disappointment on the course. i know im stupid to think of failing, but im at ends meet. i know myself and the confidence i have in this race is on the low side.
i have always been confident of anything just not when im being judged along others. i dont like it when my abilities are matched against others of the same. i dont like it when i lose out. i dont like to face competition or exams because in either case, im under pressure to perform and that's not my natural self. it is the pressure that puts me off route and i lose my confidence.
i just pray that the end result of the race would be in our favour, it doesnt have to be first place, all that matters is that we're not in the last. now i fear, since everyone else competiting against would be younger and stronger( having had experience).
Thursday, June 19, 2008 9:42 PM
the competition is just around the corner. oh no, i am seriously not prepared for this race. i mean yeah, there is a first to everything, but not when im not ready. my coach assured us we'll be fine in the race through all our trainings but im afraid to take the next step and leap.
we have been through the course route over twice. red pole with marking/ flag would be half way for us and the boat house would be the end of the race. i know my roles in steering but im not confident to lead the way.
its a long route for my first race. at least 1km in total which equates to 1200 rows or rowing within 5-6 minutes. i know there's no need to worry about the minute count since i have done 6 minutes on a rowing machine and still came out breathing. but this time, there's all the steering and weather conditions to take into note. i might just fall short of the finishing line.
i promised my partner that we'll do well, that we'll strive for the trophy and the glory. yet all the encourgement for her is kinda dipping my confidence low. i want to deliver what i promise and yet im afraid that if it turns out bad, i might not be able to face her.
coach says its all about achieving each stroke and not winning the race. she doesnt demand much from us but just the best that we think we can achieve. she knows we can do it and she has the faith in our partnership. the fact that she's willing to train us for this competition would be because she believed in us, that we would learn well from the experience and take them home.
training was awesome and yet tiring. we watched the moonrise together in the setting atmostphere of the sun and it was soooo huge. the moon was like just across the lake on the other side and it spans across a huge distance. it was so wonderful, just as it was getting dark. the skies were purple-orange from a combination of a setting sun and the darken skies. what's more that we love was the water. it was gorgeous today.
johan fecthed me from work to training today since he was at carousel hanging out with his mates. it wasnt my fault he stayed till the end of my training. i didnt force him- oh okay i did partly, BUT he also wanted to watch me train; D. he took the speedboat out with joanne and boy, was it a good experience to build up his passion for rowing again.
you see, johan used to row in high school part of a curriculum activity just like us. but, since it was leisure, there wasnt much pressure to row and people go and come. so friendships that were forged lose its presence once, these people graduate. i wanted him to join rowing again, you know as a sport rather than doing nothing at home. he liked the idea and yeah, he's willing to try out in next year's intake of juniors.
ps: i didnt tell him this, but if he joins, woohoo, i get a ride each time for training ; D and we could have lunch after training like what the canoeing guys do back home after 6pm training.
since training ended late, he fetched me home and we picked out dvd's at my community area because, i was desperate for entertainment at home. there would usually be nothing left around to do- that's why i work and train. but i cant do neither of them at night- that's why the dvd's play a big role in my life; D it was funny, because i told him which to pick and he ended up picking all those i disliked- horror, gore, blood and spook. idiot guy.
oh gosh, i think im too pampered to be sent home almost everytime it gets dark; D not good, the dependency will drive me insane if there are cases that i dont have a ride. i have to really start working on my driving notes- take the theory test and set forth from there. but first, i have to consult the money in my bank account.
everything around me evolves through money. no money, no shopping. little or no money, cut down on shopping and meal prices. its not too bad, but i think the folks at subway have all made friends with me because i regularly go there to eat, cant help it when all i can afford is a ham 6-inch sub 5 dollars and thats all. i cant limit shopping but i can limit the amount of food that i eat outside.
i cant help it, i have huge debts to pay currently and future debts to pay- the running machine unfortunately comes out from my whole pocket. mum wont pay a single cent on it. the phone repair that i had recently which came up to a whooping 148 dollars was tightening the reins i had for shopping allowance. it's not good, even mum wasnt on my side on this matter since she presumes i have to pay for my consequences. in total, that amounts to at least a good 600 plus to cover my debts and that would take me a week of working non- stop to pay it up.
not to mention, the huge bills i have to pay for driving if i were to take the next step. its a four digit figure and that scares the shit out of me. my bank acc is only made up of a four as well and with all the paychecks gone to pay up for fees, i guess all i have left is a few dollars to buy myself a hot wheels racer car.
for all my efforts work, everything goes down to just a hot wheels car. now that's what i call a sad life and im living it.
the rules of the game are as such,
and im stuck in a loop hole.
dammit.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008 10:29 PM
let me let you go.dear elvin,
please help me let you go.
help me forget about you, help me to let you go, help me move on in life.
all this while, i've been telling everyone even myself that i'm dealing well with this breakup. i thought i could manage without you in my life, without your daily smses to keep me going through the day or even the times where we used to have fun together when i was back in singapore. i thought that i was strong enough on the inside to face up to reality, but i wasn't.
now that exams arent here anymore to keep me occupied, neither can work or training help to alleviate the emptiness that i feel everyday, not knowing if you'ld ask me one day, just one day, that i'll be yours again. but, we cant carry on from where we left on, because its all past.
when i was with you, everything felt like love. everyday felt like yet another wonderful memory would be created and every year, we'll be waiting for the day that we'll meet again.
every year, you'll celebrate my birthday with me knowing that my birthday would be incomplete without you, you took time off just to celebrate our every month and even valentine's day.
i never had a valentine's day before not till i met you. i had never felt love before you showed up and not once have i been spoilt so much before even as a kid. im sorry elv, but i cant forget you. i cant give this r/s up as though i had never been in it before, i cant just brush it off knowing that this was not supposed to be the ending. i know there would be a better time for us, for this, but i dont know when. i know that no matter how hard i try to forget you, i just cant.
do you know how hard it is to forget you? to pretend that you're still by my side, but it's not the same. to keep telling myself that we'll be together soon somehow, but face the uncertainty of that decision. the time, my dear friend, is drifting us apart and the more i try to hold on, the stronger the pull away from you. i cant wait forever for an answer. i cant wait for you forever. i cant depend on the dreams we had to wait for you, not forever.
i cried at work today and i fought so hard to keep the tears from flowing out. i had to wipe them off my face and pretend that nothing had happened. it was so hard to resist the memories. a customer and his girlfriend bought a mudcake at our store today. she wanted it so badly and kept nodding her head when he asked her if she really wanted it, he bought it for her. gone are the days, where i used to get pampered with sweets and chocolates, or even jellybeans for that matter. now that im single, the only other person who would do that for me, would be me.
i guess mum was right, it would be sooner or later i would need that shoulder to cry on. the time would come, she warned me where i would feel so broken down inside that it'll leave me so messed up within that i would have to stop acting as though im fine and let it all go. she said, that all good things come to an end wherether we like it or not, and mine came a little sooner than i had gotten myself ready for. mum said that no matter how far i run, i cant hide forever and keep telling myself, im fine when im not and that every person has to stand up and face it.
i dont think i would have the courage to stand up for myself. i dont think i would be able to forget you. i doubt that life would move on for me and my world would still be standing on 6th june 2008, the day we broke up.
on that faithful day, my friend, i knew that it'll be hard to let you go, and that is why im asking you to help me please. help me to forget you, help me to let you go and help me to move on with my life where the date reads 17th june of 2008 instead.
love,
amanda.
Monday, June 16, 2008 10:59 PM
money makes the world go round. alright, i know all the preachings going about even in emails on what money cant buy, but from what i do know, money makes my world go round. i dont mean literally round but yeah, you get where im drifting from, it makes me happy.
it was actually quite surprising that i had spent under $100 right after being released from my last paper. you have no idea how excited i was- finally going back to work ( i still dont like my boss but like i said, money makes my world go round and its all professionally for the paycheck), training hard during the week, hanging out with friends and even spending time with my television shows.
michelle was really a bad influence, from eating dimsum for lunch which left me $20 lesser in cash terms (we kinda gorged on the food- but spore dimsum is still a whole lot better) and lunch took us and hour and a half, since other than part time eating, we were on full time gossiping. it's funny how you place two singaporeans together and you get a whole lot of auntie's gossip- from how cute the toddler was to how hot the waiters were or spying what people were eating.
we went on a shopping spree in town after that and bought clothes from JayJays and some jewelly from Diva, the thing was that both of us had ran out of cash- and had no choice but to resort to the eftpos method of credit sale. i bought earrings, a strip t-shirt and a black army print winter jacket. i'll take pictures of me in them once i start wearing them.
we went to look for boots but figured out i wasnt cut out for boots. it was weird shopping for shoes since i dont normally do so and the only few pairs of shoes i have are my converse sneakers, thongs, skate shoes, running nike shoes and a pair of black slippers. we were laughing all the way while trying out different cuts, lengths and styles of boots. to think i was a size 4 and i found it different to stuff my feet into a pair of boots with a size 6 on it. i was struggling and everyone of laughing, even the assistant beside me. we try on another pair and i took it out with so much force and relieve that i hit against the side of the cupboard.
oh gosh, i miss my shopping days with my girlfriends. having spent that much today, tommorrow's work should be able to cover up most of the cash out from my bank account. after shopping, its the reality you face in your bank savings. but for all its worth and its short-term happiness, im willing to take on another shopping spree.
and michelle, you are still a bad influence but im learning fast.
Saturday, June 14, 2008 12:03 AM
it'll all be over soon, the exams. somewhere it has to end, the line doesnt go on forever and it just stops somewhere. everything that starts off somewhere has to stop and it stops the very day on monday when my last exam finishes. life loves makes a whole big joke out of you when you a whole lot of problems to deal with and it comes so at an opportunity when one problem has left you.
the breakup couldnt find itself a much better opportunity than this, where having to deal with it just before exams was a nightmare. i know everyone hates the forecoming of exams but i was rather relieved when it came- at least it directed some of the pressure towards studying hard. i havent thought about the breakup ever since friday. to this date, its a week since then and im coping good, just not yesterday.
i couldnt sleep well, having thought about the real consequences about such a move, about why it has to happen at such a point in our r/s or even why everything has to be given up because of theman reason to which this r/s was build upon.
on that very day, friday the 7th, my heart broke for the very first time. that very day, life decided to teach me a lesson, for all the r/s i have been trying to run from and for all the r/s i havent felt anything for another and of which, i've broke many hearts, i tasted how bitter it was to be dumped. i tasted the how hope feels when everything's been lost, when everything you had worked so hard for just crumbles in front of you by the person you trusted the most. i tasted distrust and the bitterness of anger.
on that day, everything felt like a nightmare. a real one, where life just makes a mockery out of you and leaves you in the sight of the whole world to deal with it. there comes a point in time where you have to deal with your problems, where running wouldnt be an option anymore, where all i've ever knew was to run when i got scared, but even for now, i couldnt run and hide from my problems because i'll be running into it. i couldnt run up to the very guy, that i tell all my secrets to, that i share part of my life with when all the problems that im dealing with now are part of this r/s.
once after exams are over. i am toasted because for the very fact, i wouldnt have anything to hide to. i do know that even if i were to take a second job, it wouldnt solve the problems that i have because eventually, i would stop running, because eventually, i would have no where else to hide, because eventually, i know that i have to face up to what happened, deal with it, forget it and move on.
here is a toast to all the people out there who have just went through bad times, for the people who have problems that they are running from, for those out there who have lost someone whom they have love to sickness and death or even from r/s and for those people who are strong to take the next step in life, the courage to face up to their problems and those who forget those mishappenings, life would move on, for you and for all those around you.
and i say, that for all those people, i admire you. i admire the will and the strength that you have in taking the next step, for trusting in what life brings forth and for learning to forgive.
you are an inspiration to what i see in life.
thank you.
Friday, June 06, 2008 9:30 PM
if you love someone,here are some funny jokes with relation to the above phrase. i thought it was pretty funny; D
Suspicious: If you love someone, Set her free ....If she ever comes back, ask her why.
Impatient: If you love someone, Set her free ....If she doesn't comes back within some time forget her.
Salesman: If you love someone, Set her free ....If she ever comes back, deal! If she doesn't, so what! "NEXT".
Schwarzenegger's fans: If you love someone, Set her free, SHE'LL BE BACK!
Insurance agent: If you love someone, Show her the plan ....If she ever comes back, sign her up, If she doesn't, keep follow up with her and never give up!
Lawyers: If you love someone, Set her free, Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the second amendment of theMatrimonial Freedom Act clearly states that....
Mathematician: If you love someone, Set her free ....If she ever comes back, 1 + 1 = 2 (peanut!), If she doesn't, Y = 2X - log(0.46Y^2 + (cos(52/34X)) x 5Y^(-0.5)c) where c is the infinite constant of no turning point.
and baby, the last one should help you out quite a bit.
If you love someone WHY IN THE FIRST PLACE SET HER FREE???
CARELESS IDIOT!!!
smirks;D
Wednesday, June 04, 2008 10:54 PM
work would never be the same anymore;(everything's just changed, ever since you guys left. the anticipation for work just seems to have dissipated into thin air. i dont even know why im even still in the job. i mean, if its not for the customers that i love, i would be running out of that store in this very minute. i dont even know what seems to be driving me to continue with work without you guys around.
i was that kid, the one who was always begging mum for a little more icecream. i used to love my job and now i dont. i mean, this is just not the way that i had been expecting to feel for my job. i always had the passion to serve others, to provide a little extra service to make any person's day or even go the extra mile for them, but yet now,
i just dont feel the same, not with them.
i used to look forward to working because i had friends. i had friends who would watch my back and help me out with my orders when i get hand-tied. i had friends who would ask me about my life, friends who would do stupid things like (hiding in the smallest cupboard or to snacking during duty corners in the so called
'amanda's lil corner'). but with them gone, its just not the same.
but looking forward to work with the kind of people im currently working with, sometimes just puts me off. it is double the amount of workload that i have to put on my shoulders when they're around. i gues alyssa wouldnt find it surprising but yes, i love to bitch,just like any other girl who loves it. for a small shop, there's a lot of politics floating around. the amount of gossip that force themselves into my ears have made me, once the angel-now the devil.
i never wanted to be caught in the middle of this politcal battlefield. sometimes, even my conscience bites hard when i participate in it as well. when i knew i should have been the one to stop it all, i just mess things up. look where it has brought us to. a bunch of colleagues who cant work together. or in my store sense, its just the three of us against the store manager.
yes, i know its just wrong, ganging up against your manager. but hey, if she's the bitch and you have almost everyone else on your side, you cant say youre in the wrong. she just is the way she is. with her, work is dreadful because she makes it so. if you picture it,
she's the lil devil in the red costume with the forkstand and trust me, that fork does prick hard.
just for this night,
i'll be the world's most hated bitch; D
this are a list of things i have come up with on why i hate my store manager so much. she:
- takes as many breaks as she declares (oh hail the queen --eww)
- hates it when you order her around since she's the MANAGER and so gives you the frustrated look when you ask for service--> ooo i forgot you're too busy, YOU'RE MANAGER.
- still dares to ask for a coffee when clearly, i was busy with a customer's order
- is a total bitch when she orders you around because she cant be bother to take orders herself
- pretends she's busy with managerial paperwork while we're busy in the front since she is still able to chat on the phone with family.
- doesnt bother to help out since she declines to help you out with any tasks when you ask
- loves faking that she's just new--and gives all sort of excuses as to not being to take an order
- is manager but that doesnt mean she could have long breaks without helping out and she's nice enough to give herself those hours, which she didnt work out for
- looks scary with her crooked smile. i know this sounds mean-- she looks like the peguinn guy with the crooked smile in batman one. i prefer if she didnt smile.
and lastly, No. 10. this is my favourite.
she tells all of us that she doesnt care a damm if we cant work with another person. she doesnt care if we cant get along as long as that person is in duty and in charge, we have no choice but to abide to their rules. she claims that we're just for the pay and if we wanted to keep our jobs, it's best we stick on since we're only most probably going to see that person for only workshifts. well said, if it came someone i trusted not you.
her daughter works with us as well and by far as i have heard from mother daughter r/s, they have issues. strong issues that havent been solved--leading to much regretted tension in the work if the two of them were put together. well, if she had meant what she said, they her daughter would not need to have been in slot for the other shop just because of family tension.
i reckon, anyone who takes the managerial position should be able to set aside work and family. even for anyone who is working, that is. if it was really that hard between her daughter and her and she had to sent her to the other shop, what does it say about the first rule that she said? doesnt if reflect badly on her? i suppose it only looks good in her colour.
i miss the good guys. i have been playing with the bad guys for all too long. i cant even remember if i was ever good to start with. for once again, i want to love my job, not to force myself out of bed early just to drag my feet to work for the pay. i want to serve customers and meet new colleagues and to work with them, meet new friends and love them. especially love them not hate them.
i dont want to be the bitch that im turning out to be.
f.ck
