Thursday, June 19, 2008 9:42 PM
the competition is just around the corner. oh no, i am seriously not prepared for this race. i mean yeah, there is a first to everything, but not when im not ready. my coach assured us we'll be fine in the race through all our trainings but im afraid to take the next step and leap.
we have been through the course route over twice. red pole with marking/ flag would be half way for us and the boat house would be the end of the race. i know my roles in steering but im not confident to lead the way.
its a long route for my first race. at least 1km in total which equates to 1200 rows or rowing within 5-6 minutes. i know there's no need to worry about the minute count since i have done 6 minutes on a rowing machine and still came out breathing. but this time, there's all the steering and weather conditions to take into note. i might just fall short of the finishing line.
i promised my partner that we'll do well, that we'll strive for the trophy and the glory. yet all the encourgement for her is kinda dipping my confidence low. i want to deliver what i promise and yet im afraid that if it turns out bad, i might not be able to face her.
coach says its all about achieving each stroke and not winning the race. she doesnt demand much from us but just the best that we think we can achieve. she knows we can do it and she has the faith in our partnership. the fact that she's willing to train us for this competition would be because she believed in us, that we would learn well from the experience and take them home.
training was awesome and yet tiring. we watched the moonrise together in the setting atmostphere of the sun and it was soooo huge. the moon was like just across the lake on the other side and it spans across a huge distance. it was so wonderful, just as it was getting dark. the skies were purple-orange from a combination of a setting sun and the darken skies. what's more that we love was the water. it was gorgeous today.
johan fecthed me from work to training today since he was at carousel hanging out with his mates. it wasnt my fault he stayed till the end of my training. i didnt force him- oh okay i did partly, BUT he also wanted to watch me train; D. he took the speedboat out with joanne and boy, was it a good experience to build up his passion for rowing again.
you see, johan used to row in high school part of a curriculum activity just like us. but, since it was leisure, there wasnt much pressure to row and people go and come. so friendships that were forged lose its presence once, these people graduate. i wanted him to join rowing again, you know as a sport rather than doing nothing at home. he liked the idea and yeah, he's willing to try out in next year's intake of juniors.
ps: i didnt tell him this, but if he joins, woohoo, i get a ride each time for training ; D and we could have lunch after training like what the canoeing guys do back home after 6pm training.
since training ended late, he fetched me home and we picked out dvd's at my community area because, i was desperate for entertainment at home. there would usually be nothing left around to do- that's why i work and train. but i cant do neither of them at night- that's why the dvd's play a big role in my life; D it was funny, because i told him which to pick and he ended up picking all those i disliked- horror, gore, blood and spook. idiot guy.
oh gosh, i think im too pampered to be sent home almost everytime it gets dark; D not good, the dependency will drive me insane if there are cases that i dont have a ride. i have to really start working on my driving notes- take the theory test and set forth from there. but first, i have to consult the money in my bank account.
everything around me evolves through money. no money, no shopping. little or no money, cut down on shopping and meal prices. its not too bad, but i think the folks at subway have all made friends with me because i regularly go there to eat, cant help it when all i can afford is a ham 6-inch sub 5 dollars and thats all. i cant limit shopping but i can limit the amount of food that i eat outside.
i cant help it, i have huge debts to pay currently and future debts to pay- the running machine unfortunately comes out from my whole pocket. mum wont pay a single cent on it. the phone repair that i had recently which came up to a whooping 148 dollars was tightening the reins i had for shopping allowance. it's not good, even mum wasnt on my side on this matter since she presumes i have to pay for my consequences. in total, that amounts to at least a good 600 plus to cover my debts and that would take me a week of working non- stop to pay it up.
not to mention, the huge bills i have to pay for driving if i were to take the next step. its a four digit figure and that scares the shit out of me. my bank acc is only made up of a four as well and with all the paychecks gone to pay up for fees, i guess all i have left is a few dollars to buy myself a hot wheels racer car.
for all my efforts work, everything goes down to just a hot wheels car. now that's what i call a sad life and im living it.
the rules of the game are as such,
and im stuck in a loop hole.
dammit.
