Tuesday, June 17, 2008 10:29 PM
let me let you go.dear elvin,
please help me let you go.
help me forget about you, help me to let you go, help me move on in life.
all this while, i've been telling everyone even myself that i'm dealing well with this breakup. i thought i could manage without you in my life, without your daily smses to keep me going through the day or even the times where we used to have fun together when i was back in singapore. i thought that i was strong enough on the inside to face up to reality, but i wasn't.
now that exams arent here anymore to keep me occupied, neither can work or training help to alleviate the emptiness that i feel everyday, not knowing if you'ld ask me one day, just one day, that i'll be yours again. but, we cant carry on from where we left on, because its all past.
when i was with you, everything felt like love. everyday felt like yet another wonderful memory would be created and every year, we'll be waiting for the day that we'll meet again.
every year, you'll celebrate my birthday with me knowing that my birthday would be incomplete without you, you took time off just to celebrate our every month and even valentine's day.
i never had a valentine's day before not till i met you. i had never felt love before you showed up and not once have i been spoilt so much before even as a kid. im sorry elv, but i cant forget you. i cant give this r/s up as though i had never been in it before, i cant just brush it off knowing that this was not supposed to be the ending. i know there would be a better time for us, for this, but i dont know when. i know that no matter how hard i try to forget you, i just cant.
do you know how hard it is to forget you? to pretend that you're still by my side, but it's not the same. to keep telling myself that we'll be together soon somehow, but face the uncertainty of that decision. the time, my dear friend, is drifting us apart and the more i try to hold on, the stronger the pull away from you. i cant wait forever for an answer. i cant wait for you forever. i cant depend on the dreams we had to wait for you, not forever.
i cried at work today and i fought so hard to keep the tears from flowing out. i had to wipe them off my face and pretend that nothing had happened. it was so hard to resist the memories. a customer and his girlfriend bought a mudcake at our store today. she wanted it so badly and kept nodding her head when he asked her if she really wanted it, he bought it for her. gone are the days, where i used to get pampered with sweets and chocolates, or even jellybeans for that matter. now that im single, the only other person who would do that for me, would be me.
i guess mum was right, it would be sooner or later i would need that shoulder to cry on. the time would come, she warned me where i would feel so broken down inside that it'll leave me so messed up within that i would have to stop acting as though im fine and let it all go. she said, that all good things come to an end wherether we like it or not, and mine came a little sooner than i had gotten myself ready for. mum said that no matter how far i run, i cant hide forever and keep telling myself, im fine when im not and that every person has to stand up and face it.
i dont think i would have the courage to stand up for myself. i dont think i would be able to forget you. i doubt that life would move on for me and my world would still be standing on 6th june 2008, the day we broke up.
on that faithful day, my friend, i knew that it'll be hard to let you go, and that is why im asking you to help me please. help me to forget you, help me to let you go and help me to move on with my life where the date reads 17th june of 2008 instead.
love,
amanda.
