the risks that i take are all worth is even if it's for a loss

FUNFAIR was fun!

Monday, July 31, 2006 9:25 PM

30th july 06 saint marys church funfair and FEAST DAY. yipee. super fun. so many things to do. so many things to munch on but so LITTLE time. shucks. i only like had 2h30mins to spend in the funfair before i had to join my parents for mass. its a family MUST thing. so mass was at 1230 and the FEAST DAY only started at 10am. shucks. but i STILL HAD LOADS OF FUN. haha. so many stalls ranging from food eg. small finger foods to desserts and drinks of all weird kinds. like the famous chin chow drink with sprite. how cool is that.
and plus. theres loads of games.

okay. i'll blog later. sister needs the computer now.

back.
ha. i should have gotten myself more involved in my sec one-three sunday classes. shucks. why do we always regret when the good things dont happen to last very long. but it'll always seem to remain in our minds. it seems funny. but then all of us got so close to one another only after the confirmation camp. and plus its only two days. miracles happen.
back to the funfair.
did i tell you. its rather fun watching people sit on the dunking platform and awaiting the suspense of a lucky someone to dunk that dude in. hahah;)) but its terrible when that same girl laughing wears a pair of shorts and a collar tee. my stupid mistake.
'who else is in shorts' >ryan.
'hey! how bout that girl there in shorts?' (looks around points at me)
>>>YOURE KIDDING RIGHT?<<<
'okay what. your shorts dry fast. c'mon!'
>>>wth. fine.<<<

haha. why was i born so dumb. oh great i finally understood the meaning of good sportmanship. way to go. er... hehe. fine. so i went. did i tell you. the container is super big and the water's COLD. freaking cold. before i stepped in. was asked: are you wearing anything inside? YA DUHH.

i cant believe it. i got DUNKED BY A SMALL BOY. man this sucks. and and. HE CHEATED. stood so near the bullseye point. of cause sure BLODDLY WILL HIT la.
plonk.
i fell in with a splash.
went swimming for a while before the ladder was brought in.

mass.
met parents with two sisters at mass noon. kena stared by mum cause i wore shorts. er okay. i forgot. no shorts cause its too informal. great. got scolding after mass. and i was freezing in mass. super cold. didnt dry myself up cause i didnt bring extra clothes.

school's OUT. holiday.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006 6:55 PM

yippee. school's out. polling day holiday. had a date with my pepsi today. met her after she got her braces done at mount E. ate lunch at KFC at plaza. after she helped me collect my directors award which was like due since two weeks ago. the badge is like totally awesome cans so cool. its liek grey and white with the print. DIRECTORS AWARD. best of all. the certificate is way cool. signed by the patron himslef. the president. whoaa. how cool is that. okay im over reating. haha opps. thanks pepsi. hehe.
went to town later. pepsi had to buy a ROSE as requested by that girl for no obvious reason at all. 'thanks to that girl' i walked around town just to find a ROSE for her' so we went heeren last stop. small shops. scanned the shops. saw something red. (me and pepsi exchanged glances and started screaming at each other) so loud people actually stared at us. 'WAHHH. ROSE THERE. THERE!' haha we ran like crazy to the shop. got three designs. so had a tough time choosing one. the other two had i love you and i need you imprints on the stem. someone didnt want the other to get the wrong meaning. aww.

went to east coast park later on in the afternoon. impromptu decision. we scurried across the whole of spore. we asked like countless people for directions. they were nice to tell us NICELY.
finally reached there. the sun sand and the breeze. took photos with pepsi at the sandshore. hehe.
hire rollerblades. waited for zach to be down with his bike. went for an hour.
tired. so we hitched a ride on zach bike with him pulling the two of us. i had to practically drag a 50kg guy with a 3kg bike and a 30 kg girl. i have strong arms. whoaa.
finished late. we got a drink at seven eleven. sat at the coast and chat together. was fun. took a bus back to central and mrt all the way.

i got caught in the act. i RAN home kae. cos it was nearing seven my curfew dies. so from the mrt station. i RAN. but when i opened my house door placed back my shoes. ran through the corridor to my room. BOOM. saw my mum. i screamed. scary. didnt see her there.

CONFIRMATION DAY.

Saturday, July 22, 2006 10:57 PM

22nd july 06' i'll always remember today. hahah. finally im confirmed as a catholic and im super happy. hehe. i can happily scream out loud that i received the holy spirit along with the rest of the otehr confirmants. haha. i bet everyone is feeling super high now. haha. so excited before i went for church. rushed back home from guitar class . bathe and changed. my sister helped me to wear my heels. it was hard. i couldnt walk properly in them and with only one day of practice. i didnt walk lady enough. met madeline at cck interchange. took 985 to church. we both wore stilts. it was stupid with everyone looking at us in the interchange. cos we were dressed all in white. haha.

the girls looked pretty today and the guys looked smart. haha. took loads of pics. have yet to load them in. thanks juniors. love you guys loads. i didnt expect to see kelly low dorcas and kelly ann to actually come and cheer me on. haha. chey its all for the skirt thing. its an achievement to wear my first skirt and my first heels all in once today for confirmation. the next would be grad night. the mass was meaning with the archbishop giving it with the help of our parish priest. my juniors were so cute. they stayed on till i was confirmed by the oil.

went up to receive the holy spirit through the blessing of the oil on my forehead. i swear i felt my forehead was warm even after i went back to my pew. it was a super unforgetable feeling. had the usual mass after that.
went back to class to collect the confirmation certs. guess what! im officially known as amanda nicole tan. hehe. super happy. took more pics again. with the class. and FAITHS/ haha. randall's mom teacher val. was super funny took a pic with the camera facing in her direction hahah.

i miss you guys loads again. can we meet again FAITHS. i still have yet to get some of you guys autographs. nat spoke to me. for the very first time. haha. like im supposed to say hi in the train. i bet you would be sleeping yeaa.

confirmation rehersal. racial harmony day.

10:37 PM

21st july 06' hahah. happy racial harmony day to everyone. although most of us were encouraged to wear racial costumes to school today early in the morning. i didnt see the need to when we are only attending hald day till 1230. but then. to all the people who actually took the effort to wear. you look real great!

had lessons till 1230pm. dismissal early in preparation for the school musical 'sing to the dawn'. sorry guys. i couldnt go for the show. had stuff to do. lunched with recess group at tiong. i wasnt hungry after a full recess so i took the icecream waffle and passion rush. we stole most of the postcards on display there. wrote for my faith group campmates.

met faith for a movie. hope tagged along also. i met zach justin and merina at westmall earlier. then we met up with warren and friend. suaned zach the whole time. super funny. his knee caps were black from my shoe marks. opps. bernice aaron and surath met us later on. watched pirates of the carribean dead man's chest. gar timothy and randall came late. i think aaron's scared of sitting next to me. cos i make a lot of noise throughout the movie. i was super cold during it too. so me and bernice hugged each other. hehe.

rushed off for confirmation rehearsal later on. we were surprisingly EARLY. haha. was tired throughout the rehearsal. aunty cecilia took over as my proxy cos my godma is in australia with my cousin jude. super cool.bernice was my partner again. zach's sad. cos 'someone' didnt go for the rehearsal so he didnt get to see her. opps. gave everyone their cards i wrote earlier. thanks.

made a dare with bernice. i lost. dies. i owe her a dare now. bernice be nice okay. choose a easy dare for me to do cans? and gary's still supposed to owe me 10 sentences and take a picture together.

rushed off later after rehearsal to my grandma's house to eat leftovers. thanks. and i thought i would starve to death without any dinner. left the house with benny and chris(he's supposed to be in bed. but he saw his brother wearing shoes and he wanted to follow) naughty boy boy.;)) ahah.
reached the airport after trying very hard to catch a doze in the car however benny's loud voice kept me awake the whole time.(not to mention. he talks non-stop) i can swear my ears are deaf now.;))
huggs julian. man i'll miss all my cousins. have a safe trip to aussie and study hard there kae. bought chocolate chip ice-blended and ice coffee latte to keep myself awake and not dozing off.

went home. bathed after a long day. smsed edwin and gary. gary's still watching midnight movie. crazy guy. he's an octurnal animal haiz. and bro's playing comp games. another mad man. i need my sleep. shhh. nights/

i cant believe it whoaa.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006 3:53 PM

beep.just received an sms from biology lab partner. before that was chatting online.blogging.chatting online. and searching sporeidol.com for gossips. haha.
she said that people actually taught that we were a pair together. oh no. so wrong ahhaah. i mean that person who saw us together must have taught otherwise...
hello please she's my biology partner plus one of the few girls i suan so very much over the milk thing.(like every other day she'll bring a milk packet. and i'll go. ohh, today what flavour?(okay. that sounds real sick.) yupp.) she doesnt like the probing what flavour part she's embarrassed. she's the only other girl in school who has seen me sleep so much during biology class and best of all in totally different positions. the only other girl who has to bring biology book to share with me every other lesson cos i lazy to bring. the only girl i play with so much and who laughs at me for no obvious reasons.(like the last i spiked my hair. she started laughing during assembly) er okay. whats so weird with my durian? hahah.
that person who spread that interesting fact on the both of us really has an immaginary mind i must say. but hey i still do love her a lot even if we arent together.
i'll dedicate this blog entry to that biology lab partner who has been with me through all my biology lessons. screwing up all our practicals together by doing stupid stuffs with our experiments or SPECIMENS. remember the pig's eye? and the girl who always had the same hairstyle and same sweet laughter. thanks. wow i cant believe you could tahan me for 2 years in biolgy. thats not bad. most people just go crazy with me around.

and yes im not bung or anything. just because i cut my hair short till its spiked. im not bung. my mum will kill me if i were. sorry guys. hahah. i must say. the hairdresser did a GREAT cut for me.

guitar exam plus school's OFF.

1:29 PM

had my guitar grade two exam today at specifically 11.24am at the ossia school at choa chu kang. whoaa. woke up late today cos i cant go school at 'that' hour while awaiting the arrival of the exam hour. i bet sharon's super jealous seeing me still cuddled up in my blankets while she had to drag herself out of bed. hahah. poor thing. practiced guitar again. like what ive been doing every night for the past 2 days. im bored of the instrument. watched mtv while having breakfast. went back to practising again.
left the house an hour earlier to settle down at the school/ brought my music books and guitar along. i look stupid. i know. sat there in the quiet hall. justin beeped in an sms. 'all the best for your guitar exams.' audrey too. thanks guys. smsed back.'im hell freaking bored here/ came too early nothing to do. and i thought i could practice.' beep. justin again. 'make some noise la. thats what i always do. replied. 'CRAZY. im in the hall with adverts up PLEASE KEEP QUIET. unless im illiterate. then no way im creating a din'
went to the toilet. wanted to call someone for a chat. shit. stomach ache.
came out relieved-_- went back to the room. wow another woman taking the exam. stella grade 3. nice. she booked a room. we practiced our pieces. guitar teacher came by. encouraged me once again.

heard my name called out. ITS TIME. took my books and guitar. went in scared. stood at the door. closed my eyes bit my lips and prayed. 'okay. you can go in/' took my first step in. wow. my examiner was from england hahah. i practically screwed up all the parts in the exam. i saw no fluency in my playing and it just sucks cans.
fine la. wait for another 3 months before the cert comes in.
but mum. sorry if i cant get that grade you wanted me to. i know you wanted very much for me to take this freaking exam but i see no need to. anyway my decision is clear. im stopping guitar soon. i have to concentrate on my studies. i deem them more important and im not sure if i'll ever go back to guitar again.

and if i wanted to learn drums. i could always go out to work for that fair share of fees/ i understand why you didnt want me involved in so much stuff. yeaa i getit. but still i want to learn drums. and i'll think of a way to do so even if it means working for it.

GREAT. so i didnt go school. so how was school guys? i bet my presence was amissed in classes. heheh.

listening compre.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006 9:21 PM

17th july 06 super tired from yesterday's confirmation camp. flashback to the 16th july. after we took the second bus back to church. i went to macs with natalie, zach and justin to grab a bite before meeting my parents at mass. natalie left early cos her mum fetched her. so i was once again left with two guys. its a miracle how i can tahan the two. drank milo. haha. saw samantha, warren and nat's group with jolenta and john also.
met rei rei also when she passed me edlyn's file. why must you migrate of all things? ive had many people close to me leaving me all of the sudden. theres nustrat, i shan, jude and julian, illona and now rei rei.
1.55pm. met my parents at church after service for lunch. ate at westmall. still tired from camp. went home. blogged and online chat ill 6pm. slept till dinner. got scolding for not doing homework and still have listening compre tmr. dazed the whole night. at least i remembered to pack my nric and entry proof for the exam.

woke up tired again in the morning. i was a sleeping zombie the whole day. slept in most of the classes. resorted to shielding my droopy eyes and supported my head up. i couldnt even think straight. my walking was haywire too. haha. had to hold on to veena's and sush's bag while i sleptwalked. recess was the only thing i looked forward to. slept at the table. slept during the lessons after recess. broke off early for lunch. recommended by LEMON to drink coffee. she bought the nescafe cold malted. drank. whoaa. super bitter at first but then i got hooked on pretty fast. and its quite sweet comparing to my dad's black coffee at home which i take a sip or two. im addicted to coffee now. woke up immediately from the coffee's perk.
whats weird was that i got super high from drinking a few sips of coffee. coffee makes me HIGH.

listening compre was super long. sat in the same spot for almost more than 30 minutes before the whole exam started. thanks to the friend who told me not to sleep even before the exam started. i got bored with playing with my pencil, the eraser and my ic card. not to mention. the classical music was weird. overall. the compre was difficult. tricky. the first time the passages were read out, i circled almost 6 questions out of ten. so it was an improvement when they read a second time and i filled it all up.

tired. played and practiced guitar the whole night.

confirmation camp

Sunday, July 16, 2006 4:33 PM

15th to 16th july o6 had confirmation camp with my other friends who were getting confirmed too. three words to describe those days. CAMP WAS GREAT! hahah. seriously. i was tired on friday the day before the camp cos i had aikido at night and hadnt packed my stuff yet. so i wasnt looking forward to the camp. and i had to get my butt out of bed like 6.40 to go to church.

but hey. i DID ENJOY myself throughout the camp. was super happy when i was in the same group as bernice. FAITH rocks. i love my group to bits. really i do. nice people to scare when its dark. nice people to play truth or dare (dare and dare) maybe also nice people to suan with. 15th july. we met each other for the very first time at the mph where we did group intro and icebreakers. ha. i joked with bernice when i heard dorry giving his intro. 'im dorry.' 'and whats your cca?'trainer germaine. 'swimming' dorry.
wa lou. i laughed like a mad person cans. dory's form finding nemo. just keep swimming. just keep swimming. opps. sorry.
NATURE RUMBLE. the mud. the dirt. and me. and my friends. super messy but we all enjoyed it. and i still find my height at a great disadvantage. the mud level higher compared to others. dammit. had mud fight. initiated by... not by me. i swear. wrote our confirmed names on our shirts. mine was written by aaron. by smudged later on by all the mud war. our faces slapped with mud and my top to bottom were all covered in the spa treatment thanks. had my hair styled by justin. we slapped mud on each others hair and style it. super nice. no wonder wax and mud were relatively the same when mud dries up.
RIVER RAFTING. thanks to our pros our own scouts. zachary and justin. the girls used eye power while the guys tied the knots. hahah. our raft managed to float and best of all. still being able to paddle all the way to the other bank and back with me justin and marianne on board. wet and wild.
BATHING. thanks to justin. i spent like 2 mins trying to remove the mud, sludge and sand from my hair.
MASS AND CONFESSION. nice. father john purposely came all the way to lim chu kang area to give us mass and confession. i have a confession to make. i nearly teared when i spoke to father bout my sins. and i was mumbling trying to control my tears.
NIGHT HIKE. super fun. tring to scare the rest especially bernice. 'which d you find scarier. head count and hear a 15 instead of a 14 or hearing a 13? ' justin said 15th./ okay. we kept scaring the others. funny cans. bernice slapped me cos i suan her with those stories. guys were made to go in alone. girls went in pairs. i dont mind if its alone though. and i thought my imagination was playing on my mind cos i saw a figure at the roadside. she was bowing to someone. lying on the floor. wore a cheongsam blue and had a pigtail at the back. heng didnt see her face.
joked around when we came back at teh campsite. heard ghost stories from father and teacher neil. told bernice vanessa and nat bout one of my stories.

16th july. i didnt sleep much the whole night. the people outside were talking quite loud. and good bernice was snoring at my ear. whacked her up and ask her to go toilet with me. she didnt want only wanted to stay up for me. so i went in alone. saw the guys outside the toilet chatting. went in came out nothing happened phew. it was 2am in the morning.

played dare and dare. i was dared once to do pole dancing on the flag pole after they changed their minds to make me kiss any guy i wanted in the camp. told them i'll kiss marianne or bernice. i also asked if any guy wanted to be kissed by me. no one heard so it was a good response. dont blame me i have no experinces in doing pole dancing. learnt most of the sick moves from zach. thanks a lot. you'll make a hott guy dancer if women would pay to see you. played some gun shooting maniac game. bang bang.
and we were addicted to the meep! thing. POKES. i got poked today loads of times. FAITH ROCKS. love you guys.

ps: seng kwann. i saw you at camp. you scouts. haha. youre uniform is weird and white. hahah. and bout her no. i'll try to get it for you sure. you didnt go for aikido/ bad boy.

spectaculars spore idol are NICE;)

Wednesday, July 12, 2006 9:36 PM

dinner was nice! chicken rice. and mum brought back sushi to eat too. i spread wasabi all over them. super hott and nice. im easily addicted to wasabi. watched spore idol. spectaculars. dont you agree that hady's choice of song was great and super nice to see him perform on stage. i was screaming when i heard him sing that robbie williams song ROCK DJ. my sisters thought i went crazy. who cares. and johnathan looks damm hott. ahhhhh. his small eyes and dimple on his face. i still cant believe for a fact that his a national fencer and has his own band. NICE. the other contestants were great too. norman a bit disappointing but my elder sis still rooting for him. er okay da jie. whatever you choose. hehe.
afternoon. went for dental appointment with bao zhu and meita after school. we cabbed there . cos that woman said hers started at 3.20pm and we only had 15 mins to reach there. haiz. my $4.20 cab fee. but the ride was was. im nice cans but still kena cheated. i gave extra 20cent to the driver and he didnt say anything bout the extra. tips lor. my 20cent...;(( hahah. went in the building separated from meita. she went to get her braces done. PURPLE this time because i chose it for her! nice machine. had to scan or either type our nric no. into the computer. bao zhu was super smart chose the typing into the computer the nos. great. beep. INVALID nric no. hahah. 'chey la. can tap the ic card also. so mafan just now.' she finally understands. mine couldnt scan so she helped me. we kept laughing while waiting for our turn. operator 15. went in 10 mins after baozhu went in. came out earlier than her haha. only did polishing thats all. they were shocked that my teeth were so straight. i guess the other parts of me like my mind is crooked? (smirks.) shocked also that i only brush my teeth once a day in the morning and hardly floss too. TAGLINE: your teeth makes us dentists ashamed of ourselves. okay. i dont get it. kept crapping with the attached trainees helping out. while i was polishing halfway my teeth. dental was okay. ate lunch later on at five. hungry.
came home. ate cereal again.

today. was cold. super cold. raining. did pe in the hall. (i still dont like wearing stc shorts. too rough.) tired from the circuit training. wahh. cannot tahan. sweat like shit. somemore went for maths and i sat in front of the door. with the strong wind blowing in. colddddd. wahh. i shiver like shit. had to use my towel to wrap around myself. nearly dozed off during physics. she was crapp./ scolded us because of mere tickets we really couldnt sell off. like our fault liddat. so i tahan lor. while secretly dozing off. yongern sat with me. crapped a lot during physics and chemisty. i like the ball ball.
me and yongern's rendition of 'where you go' by fortminor and hollybrook.
where'd you go? my audrey koh.
it seems like its been forever that you've been gone.
audrey koh. you love mango.
let's go dance agogo at DXO(club).
please come back home...

mr yeo's funny antics:
1.who knew single bond in yeo's terms was actually singapore?
2.mr yeo: ''...different functions like some people wear specs so they are 4 eyes and some are only 2 eyes. somemore some have only 1 eye.''
germaine:''where got 1 eye people?''
mr yeo:"have. i pour acid into your eye.''
3. mr yeo explaining concept of substitution with chlorine.
class(noisy)
mr yeo:''can you let me tell finish the story anot?''
class:'' huhh/ STORY?'' (laughs)

update of url.

Monday, July 10, 2006 10:29 PM

sorry guys. know it was kind of rush to suddenly change my website for the blog. anyway. if ive missed out anyone. please help me relay the new webbie. thanks;)
i can only say that my parents are really smart people. having the resources to actually dive in and search for my blog. okay. yes, so ive been found out. but who cares. whatever you read. i leave it be. i cant do anything should they think otherwise.
i wonder how their reaction would be when they load into my old blog and find out that the website cannot be found. HAHAH. now who has the last laugh. opps. i sound mean. hehe. imagine them frantically trying all the possible spellings of the old blog and not getting and leeway. okay. i shall not dwell on it.

opps. daniel. hehe. they screened bend it like beckham today on channel 5 730pm. and you went to pay 2 bucks to watch a midnight show at plaza. other than for the movie mode and the friends around. hehe. at home nicer.

today. lets describe it as a tired. worn out and not-myself day. haha. super dazed today. kept sleeping in for every single lesson. the only ones remembered staying awake. were chinese and english cause both have lectures. im a good girl must copy down notes. and the places i sat at were pretty obvious to see who were sleeping and not. super funny. everyone else were tired. during english lecture. many were restless, listening to discmans. talking. even huiyuan would catch a snooze at the corner with her mouth WIDE OPEN. that i admire her. hehe.
social studies was crap. i didnt understand half the time he crapped on venice. why study on italy? i mean. all i needed to know was that ITALY WON. in last night's match. okay. football fever caught me on for trhe pass few days. its a good effort for someone who dont even know the sport to keep tabs on the game. ITALY VS FRANCE 5-3 GERMANY VS PORTUGAL 3-1 okay. so those where the results i got from friends. sidetrack opps. so yupp. who cares if the french conqured the italians the last time. hello! that was way back ago. no wonder italy was super happy to smack the french in their face. as quoted from tan 'today's lunch will be decided by who wins. the italians its pasta or pizza. the french its french fries.' wow. super lame cans. the class took a 30 sec silence. and he blushed' okay. la . its lame.' FINALLY. he took an understanding to his crappiness. he cant teach for nuts.
maths. i nearly slept through while she was going through the homework. sitting at the door is a great disadvantage when its raining and the winds are blowing. number one. your skirt flys. so i sat with my feet crossed up onto the chair. second. its freaking cold. did anyone tell you how cold i was the whole day. i lack fats insulation dammit. stupid hairs on my hands and legs. supposed to trap heat as insulation but it doesnt work in my case. sheesh.
physics. wonderful lesson. i slept through. without getting caught. wow. so super boring. when through corrections. i half dozed off with my green pen stucked on the paper. leaving a huge blotch of ink all over because i fell asleep at that part.
biology. so-so. didnt sleep. didnt bring book again. my angel wasnt surprised at all. haha. hehe. bao zhu i love you. but i didnt use your text either. drew nice kidneys of a rabbit. i finally understood whats inside of my rabbit.

homed after school. ate chicken rice. still hungry. i ate cereal. slept after maths. but i still cant do kinematics for nuts. okay. tmr compare answers with the rest. woke up at 7.45pm. dinnered and watch bend it like beckham. wanna stay up to watch the match tonight. but i not sure mum allows. she'll kill me for the volume i make.

pooh bear;)

Saturday, July 08, 2006 10:49 PM

my latest obsession. pooh bear;) is cute. everything bout IT is nice.

I love.my DORCAS.black jack.

9:18 PM

7th july 'o6 today was crazy. audrey you missed out so much that happened today during recess. haha. ultra funny. people were cracking up on the topic' panties' errr. okay. it sounds weird. and the subject most discussed was' how many school attire we had/ ranging from pinafold to blouse to shorts to pe shirts.' guess what. LEMON won hands down. she had 5 sets of pinafold and blouse. changes them everday. and the rest i cant remember the numbers. most amazing. SHE HAD 17 sets of undergarmets. haha. i also dont have so many. and i wear my blouse like 2 days wash once. pinafold is the whole week. hehe. we laughed till stomachs were pain. and i kept choking on my mango drink. opps. i dazed the whole of mr yeo's chemistry lesson. played with the ball and stick diagrams. take out. stick back together. so fun. I MADE MY OWN GIFFRAFE PROTOTYPE. hahah. super cute. they laughed. school ended early. moe excel fest. i love having school end earlier. who doesnt?
went lunch with my grandsonn. super fun. and crazy. saw pooh bear at the bus stop after school. pulled dorcas towards the bus stop. agreed to going tiong. she didnt want. long line till we can board the bus. settld with harbourfront. no place to eat. both broke. so no sakae sushi. another time ah girl./ macs didnt agree with our tummies. hungry. we took the train back to tiong. the train super nice reflection in the glass. dorcas stared at her reflection while i was using it to tie my hair. suaned doc. ' you know there's only 2 types of animals that are able to recognise their reflection. the rest of the animal kingdom thinks its another animal. those two animals are the dolphin and the chimpanzee.' within a second. she grabbed my ponytail. wa lou. ' i also didnt say youre anyone of them. hahah.' we laughed at almost everthing that we saw. a guy whose butt was exposed. nice butt line but eww. i learnt a NEW definition of SMART. smart means: people who travel all the way to habourfront to only go back to tiong later on.
at tiong. we lunch at the same favourite hideout. kept seeing familiar faces. bumped into kelly ann and friends. dorcas classmates. hang around the place for a while. saw honey at kfc with friends. i saw her there too. kept pulling doc to see her. so we had a mini tug of war outside music junction. opps.
i love my dorcas. heheh.

pool of tears.

6:05 PM

man i hate being emotional. it sucks when things dont go your way and all you can do is cry bout it. that feeling of weakness. not being able to do anything to change the way things are just because there's a higher power preventing you from doing so.
i feel sore. agitated. lonely and miserable.
today just aint my day. how i wish that the seconds pass so quickly that today would just be another day forgotten. that there was never a saturday 8th of july at all. that there was only one weekend sunday for this week. no saturdays no troubles.
i woke up in the afternoon thinking that today would be the start of a new day as it was no school. fresh and lively. but i was so wrong. got scolded for waking up so late. (like. i was tired okay. you try going for aikido lessons at night. having to come back at only 11.10pm and sleeping at 1am) waking up in the afternoon is pretty normal.
(and i do love my aikido lessons so stop shouting at me and forcing me to come home early after class. and i thought i told you already that i'll be late home cos i'll be celebrating with the rest for edwin, kuiyang and john's birthday? cant you just give me some time to spend with my friends? i did promise to come home before 11.30pm right. so... its not as though me coming home near midnight would scare you at all.)

went for guitar lessons. met audrey at bangkit. passed her the homework for friday. guitared till 2.45pm. got scolded for not practicing enough. that i was not productive during class. that he wanted me to show more improvement during class. that i was wasting his time. paid my school fees.(went home moody and angry at myself). ate lunch with elder sis. thought i told her the problem at the school just now. BIG MISTAKE.
she turned back on me. blamed me that i was wasting my mum's money in going for guitar classes every saturday. that i was wasting so much every single month in only practicing guitar for only one day. okay. i get the picture. you dont want me in guitar anymore.that my mum would rather scold her when she didnt practice piano and that she disliked the fact that mum didnt scold me when i hardly practiced guitar. (she pull onto a nerve) i couldnt control it any longer so i took my lunch and went to my room. ive already put whatever happened at guitar past behind me. but she had to of all things rake it up at my face. thanks so much.;(
did maths homework. trying very hard to forget bout everything that happened in the past few hours. but it didnt work. she had to come into the room' wahh. so hardworking doing maths homework now.' (i really felt like slashing a few words back at her.) but i restrained. knew that it would just make matters worse and making me feel more guilty with more to apologise later on. i kept quiet. she left the room.
the problems kept coming back into mind. i smsed my brother. tuitioning. didnt answer back. waited. beep. he asked me what happened. i told him everything that happened. super nice. he wasted his smses to console me.

sometimes. i ask myself why my mum is against me taking up so many things on my hands. ive been through sessions with her where she adviced me to drop my activities to concentrate on others. i ignored her. she said i didnt have any more time left on my hands to spend it with the family. (worst still. my dad doesnt even know my whereabouts. like for instance. i came home from guitar. went to my room. 3 hours later. he came to the room. 'hey amanda. i thought you went for guitar? didnt know you came home.') even my own group of friends support that very fact that i dont spend enough time with them. i really hate to say this. but sometimes i feel that my outside group of friends are more fun to hang out with than my own group in school and i feel more at home with them. im sorry. it sounds as though i go to school with a different me. i just cant find my identity right now. i feel as though im playing on my school friends and family members/ i do like to laugh and joke with them. but sometimes. no one laughs with me and it just feels weird. whenever i crack up in school amd at home its either i get a response that im just crazy and weird or i dont get any response at all. (my elder sis says the whole time i talk bout my juniors and aikido friends and not other people. its because they are the very people who know me the most) why cant anyone understand me that i dont have the luxury of time on my hands? if you guys really want me to spend all of my time with you. then i'll drop all my activities for you. cut off all my relations with the people i love the most just to be with you more. now then. you'll be happy right. that means no more aikido trainings. no more guitar. no more juniors. no more aikido friends. if those are all the things you find distracting and taking most of my time away from you/ then just tell me. i'll drop them if thats what makes you happy.
so that would mean no more ambitions to go climbing with pearl on the 7 submits of malaysia. no drum lessons. no basketball lessons. no capoeira with edwin.
im sorry to the people who wanted my attention so much but i didnt give it to them. im sorry to my group of friends that i really love you guys. but theres just something missing between us and our friendship. im sorry to ll those who had high expectations for me and i let you down. im sorry to all my ambitions. that i cant fufil you now or even later.

mathed more. harder questions. couldnt solve it. gave up. went to the kitchen. grabbed a milk packet to cool off. walked past her room. she was sleeping. turned on the computer to surf on net.
junior called. at tiong. invited me there to chill and hang out. eat. didnt want to. told her i wasnt feeling myself. hung up. thought bout her call. ( maybe i needed to go out to forget bout everything. to get away from my room. my house. my everything) called her back again. 'hey. i think i'll go out. but i'll only reach there at 6.10pm. can you wait that long for me. sure. see you there.' i grabbed my bag, wallet and phone. went out of the house. didnt call my mum to let her know. pressed for lift. waited.
phone rang. MUM. dies. answered it. 'where do you think youre going. to tiong right. why are you going out in the first place?' shit. im so dead. ' er. ya i wanted to tell you. can i go out now? its just a short while./ i'll be back for dinner. oh and how did you know bout it?' ( she didnt answer that question) i knew it. it has to be sharon who told her. ' im fetching your sister now. and dont you think its stupid travelling so far there and back jusut to see your juniors for that short while. you must be crazy.' i so knew it. sharon told her on me.
'fine. i wont go.' i answered hiding my anger. 'good now stay at home.' she sounded satisfied. END.i hung up on her first. dropped onto the floor right outside the lift. the lift door opened. i looked into the insides of the lift and shifted my gaze to the phone. i cant. dragged myself to the door step. sat there near the shoe rack. couldnt control it. the tears just fell. i let them. just couldnt fight back. i held onto them since this afternoon. didnt want anyone else to see. but now i saw only me. and that was all that mattered. stayed there for 10 minutes. open the door. went back into the house. my aunty was relieved to see me. ' lucky you came back. if not i dont know what to tell your mum' (sure. im back. ya. i wont implicate you again aunty. i'll just stay at home.) didnt have the mood to face my books. went and turned on the comp. blogged. wiped my tears off.
parents came home. till now im faking my feelings in front of them. my elder sis aint up. i still cant face her tonight.
pink's who knew and rihanna's unfaithful is nice.

thanks kor. for being there for me. for consoling me when i was down. dont worry i'll call you again when im down. and the ben and jerry's offer was nice but i'll rather cry it all out than to eat anything at the moment. i dont have the mindset to stomach anything at the moment. thanks doc. I LOVE YOU TOO. i'll get over it soon. dont worry. but tommorrow i should be fine. i hope. thanks daniel for listening to my crapp. and offering your ears to hear all those crapp. thanks kelly ann. for understanding why i couldnot go out at the last minute. that i didnt want to pang sei you but i had no choice. and thanks for the spore idol magazine. i'll take a look at paul's and johnathan's photo.'))

tired from track.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006 7:42 PM

all i can remember today is feeling ultra super tired. when to school tired. had to sit on the train to jurong east yawn. read my book to keep myself awake. the day just started. slept through the morning announcements till drey tapped me from sleep/ must to collect antidrug abuse pin from d&t lab. ya okay. came back. gave mr yeo his own very pin. WOW. he kindly rejected grinning. the class urged him to put on after he made lemon and dora read the speech thing in class. 'no, mr yeo. you must wear if not 4c will not wear also.' hahah. funny little guy. gave up insisting him to take after he dumped all the remaining 5 extra pins with me.

what am i supposed to do with them? spent the whole day bluffing people in taking these pins with them. spare me the space please... 'hey. do you have any other siblings at home?' really have? oh okay. (drops the pin into the girl's hands.) 'tell your sister/ brother its a gift from me!' thanks;))
the person reply was' what! they also have. school will give one. ' hey not fair amanda!' (smirks;))

went for pe lesson. early morning first period. wahh/ ran 10 rounds in total. i can die le. but still aikido gradining was worst off. ran slowly with friends to conserve energy then sprint at the last few. mostly were circuit runs. 2 rounds plus a minute's rest. dropped dead after that. i was dripping fountain. maths. was dozing off tired. kept starting at fung and closing eye. droop. yi lin had a slight faint. scary. the whole class got so scared cos her face was super white no blood. pale. tried to lie her down on the floor to rest. she crumbled after she stood. no energy. used the stretcher to bring her to her sick bay. ha. my first aid skills are dying off. cannnot pass le. she was better when she was there resting. went back to class. carried on with lesson. but thought of her most of the time.

recess. i miss my laska. hmm. someone has to tell the soya bean stall that her soya bean tastes like paint. gross. i drank it for two days. im off soya bean drinks now. strictly.
all the best drey for your nationals/ i heard she did well when i passed her homework. great job.

over with bluegold's grading.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006 8:12 PM

2nd july '06 HOORAY. im finally done with my bluegold's grading. phew. thats a load off my chest for now. just have to start praying that i'll pass it. which my friends said it was a high possibilty. good. hehe;)
wahh. i lian till so hard just before the grading till i mental breakdown the night before when i found out my best buddy not going and pulling out from grading because of fever onset. when i got her call that afternoon. my heart break like shit. her voice was super weak and she coughed inbetween talks. i guess because it was my very first grading without her in it. so i was feeling lost without her.
called my brother. and he was nice to advice me and encourage me to go ahead with the grading. thanks kor.;)) grading that day was okay. only me and derek going for bluegold.tagged no. 59 and i arrived late.45 minutes of non-stop exercise is a real killer. its worst than our 2.4 km run around the track. my friends who came to watch all said my face was super red. was like i put on a lot of red blusher on my cheeks and my head felt super hott after the grading. wow i felt a sense of relieve after the whole thing ended.
ate lunch nearby. was really hungry/ i ate the same amount of serving as the guys. same amount of rice except one less dish. and i kept drinking non-stop. dehydrated.
thank goodness. i only forgot some techniques. but my partner was nice to point out and guide me along. thanks! seng lien also had grading plus some other seniors. BEST OF ALL. sensei james also had his 4th dan grading super nice. four uke also can andle. i think i'll just pang sang under their weight hehe;))
stayed back to watch his grading. but was tired. after a long day at HQ.
bused home with the rest. brother had work still. i slept on the bus ride home. super tired. woke up just nice. at the interchange. waved bye bye to kui yang and derek. homed.
3rd july '06 went out with LEMON and the recess gang. drey sj and lz went to movied earlier just my luck.before meeting the rest of us. but instead me erns and lemon went to shop around for my confirmation clothes. remember. its on the 22nd july. my big day. yupp. could not find any. but i tried into one dress. wahh. cant even breathe in it. but they said it was nice. errr. nope. no way. gave up. went to buy milk tea and sat at the bugis fountain while waiting for them. very cute. saw a semi nude young boy parading around the fountain. trying to drink the water. and also some very weird antics. i videoed him with some other passerbys also. (ps: want to see. look for me.) his underwear was popeye!!! hahah. so cute. he looked like my cousin from australia. hehe. lunched later at ps pizzahut. eat beef lagsana with lemon and drey. super nice. the rest ate pizza. we hogged the whole cheese shaker. they practically shaked every last grain measel out of it. super funny. walked back to bugis street. didnt join them later. i went with lemon to chinatown. met my mom to do the rest of the confirmation shopping. lemon left to go home. met her friend at home.
after long hours of walking around hordes of clothes hung at every hanger. i finally settled with a top collared with stripes and long sleeves. with a skirt pleated across horizontally. okay la. i was happy. good thing mum drove. we drove home. my legs ached. happy youth's day.

i miss blogging RAHH.

Saturday, July 01, 2006 12:18 AM

30th june '06 finally the weekends are here. and ive got loads of work piling up on my table. dies. and i still have aikido grading this sunday. heard that timetable changed again for school. great. biology lessons are in the morning. RAHH. how. i love my biology lessons to sleep in. i mean who sleeps in the morning. if the lesson was after recess. you wont see me in class. i'll be dozing off at the back. stayed back after school to observe my cadets for training. productive. i did probability homework with lizhen. finished. homed with kelly ann "my farty ass' and sharon. was taught the bottle game by my juniors. fun. super stupid. kelly is officially paul twohill's wife. 'swings hair around face' sharon got scared of the part when we were discussing on braces. she freaked out.
went for night aikido classes. tired. had to practice for grading. i got the hang of it. just that some moves not familiar. tommorrow its another day of practice at ahn's house. I MISSED MY BRO. he didnt come today for training. thats no chasing after small kids to wear on their belts and no one to irritate me by knocking my head. sad. yayy. have a date with the rest to watch the exorcism soon. some time next week. im so going to scream. another one on youth day. going out with friends to buy my confirmation clothes. YES. it has to be a skirt if not a dress. sucks. why not pants? the only skirt i wear is my school uniform if not its hakama(aikido). no skirts pleaasee. i'll try. i promise. hehe.
ME and pearl are going to climb the 7 submits in malaysia together with ms koh. she promised us. i miss my climbing mountain days. if only i could climb mount kinabalu then with pearl. so crapp. during chinese o levels period. mum disagreed. crapp. its next year june. thats our date!
29th june'06 three words. i saw her today. and im super happy. ha. normal/ i saw her in the morning sitting parked against the seat. saw pooh bear again after school at the locker area. she was chatting on the phone. we saw each other but merely avoided each other.
jokes laughed bout today:
1. during maths.
drey: manda how do you press 13?
me: er. just 1 and a 3. ( shows her on the calculator)
drey: hahah. no. i mean question 13.
me: chey i thought so simple also dont know.
both of us: laughed
2. during geog
doing work on tourism arrivals inspore over a period of 6 years.
it was supposed to be terrorist attack. drey's version: tourist attack. the invasion of the tourists!!
3. during chemisty
mr yeo: (crapp)... yes howeverthere's a but to such a thing. although it might... however...
class: (noisy) blahh. (doesnt pay and attention to him)
mr yeo: wait. WAIT. can you let me talk first. (despo look)
LISTEN TO THE BUT(T) PART CAN YOUR ALL.
(wild thoughts in our minds of class 4c)
whole class bursts our laughing. yeo blushed so badly. he looked like a wild tomato. hahah.
mr yeo: (sniggers) WHATS SO FUNNY? (blushes)

28th june'06 tired. damm tired. after two whole days of not sleeping at all. because my mind was too active over school and stuff. i only slept for 4 hours for both nights. yawn. but still. i went for training at night at safra. so far cans. ahn pang sei me last minute. baby bro sick so i had no choice but to go ahead for training with daniel. what the heck. met some perverts along the way. in the some. kept looking at me. cant stand it. wanted to ask them whats their prob. same scenario like the last when i play bball with edwin. the fat guy kept staring. so pissed i told edwin and we left the court area. so as usual. i asked daniel to change places with me. thanks hey. training was worst. the instructor like got pms period. i mean LONG TERM. seriously he needs to get a life. like what. not everyone knows how to do such a simple move. youre polished but not us. so dont expect us to do so well. bloodly guy. push students away when they cant do the move. and ordered them to sit down. heck that guy. worst i wasthe only girl there till anothe one came half hour later. heng. if not i wont be surviving after class. i was practically counting down the minutes to class dismissal. you cant imagine my delight when we bowed to finish class. overjoyed. sara is nice. she paired up with me the whole time. daniel went home with me again. whole time poking me in the side. told you im not that scared unless its a hard jab.